And the Award Goes To...

Let me start with the fact all my organs are intact and still inside my body. However, you are welcome to make guesses at what was wrong with me as you read.

I need to back up to yesterday morning because it was Oscars Sunday, and for the first time in roughly 20 years I actually planned to watch the whole thing. I've watched bits and pieces over the years, but I pictured myself camped out on the couch under blankets snacking on popcorn and enjoying the show. I was excited for all the nominations and couldn't wait to see Ryan Gosling perform "I'm Just Ken."

Around 1:30 PM I hit the floor of my closet with an unrelenting pain right at the top of my rib cage running down to my stomach. Now, I suffer from stressed induced reflux, so I am very familiar with a flare up or when I have uncomfortably trapped gas. I even have experienced my fair share of stomach bugs with the cramping and aching. All of these I have methods for dealing with.  

I managed to get the pain to subside long enough to walk around a bit and even ran by Sam's for some items we needed. However, the moment I got home I had another attack and writhed around in my bed begging for it to go away. I still thought it was one of the usual suspects being particularly cruel since I had been able to run an errand. I even tried to vomit out a possible stomach virus to no avail. Nothing was working. Then it calmed a bit again.

At this point I was very hungry and very exhausted. It was hurting to breathe, and I couldn't really drink much water. With the Oscars minutes from air, I determinedly curled up on the couch and prayed the pain wouldn't come back. I made it to RDJs award acceptance when I hit the ground again in excruciating pain. Enough was enough. Chris took me to the ER.

Hunched over, I shuffled my way through Check In. The moment I sat down in triage, I started to cry and rock back and forth from the pain. The ER doctor came in and was fantastic. He ordered blood tests and wanted to get a look at my appendix, pancreas, and colon. An IV drip with some morphine and zofran did the trick, and while waiting for results I remembered the episode of the Golden Girls where Sophia has an attack of the gall bladder. She remarks that she has a "bubble" in exactly the same place I first felt my pain. Then she is in so much pain she believes she is dying. I was convinced my gall bladder would be a goner! (Hey, I was medicated okay?)

The verdict: Fatty Liver. It's a thing. What caused it is the big question. I am not a heavy drinker. While I may be overweight, I wouldn't say I'm obese. I am definitely not pregnant. In terms of lifestyle, we eat ground turkey instead of ground beef (rarely eat beef actually). We use chick pea pasta. We get whole wheat breads. I drink nonfat, lactose free milk. I use the Skinny Chai mix. I love me some Body Pump and started bicycling with my youngest boy. Basically, I had no idea what would cause a Fatty Liver issue. My best guess is that it is related to my hypertension, hormones, and reflux.    

All my other organs were fine, blood tests were good, and the EKG showed no heart attack. The "cure:" bland food for a few days and some medication for the stomach cramping. I was discharged, walked without pain to the car, and was home in bed by 11:00 PM. 

Not how I planned to start my Spring Break but incredibly grateful for an efficient ER experience, modern medicine, loving husband, and YouTube so I could go back and watch this:

It's Just Like Riding a Bike

I rode a bike today. First time in about 30ish years. For a brief moment while rolling the bike out of the back room and down to the alley, this scene flashed through my mind:

As much as I would love to have Jamie Tartt by my side as I got comfortable on a bike again, I sought support from a different place.

My sweet, funny, wonderful 11 year old rocked it as my moral support. He shared tips to keep my balance and reminded me when to lean in to turn. Additionally, he explained the best times to adjust my speed or use my handbrakes. That's right. The last time I rode a bike I applied the brakes by pedaling backwards. No handbrakes.

It wasn't terrible. I enjoyed the feel of the wind on my face. I sped up and coasted. I stood up on my feet to pedal a couple of times (felt pretty cool). I made a ridiculously wide turn the first time. I even earned my first ever exercise award for an outdoor cycle!

The biggest success was working through the initial anxiety of getting back on a bike after so long. Rather than worry that I would look foolish in front of my youngest son, I decided to ask for his help. It worked out so well. He rode along side me and was the best bike buddy. 

I only biked for 20 minutes at the end of my street. It was more than enough. My legs could feel it. I was sweating which isn't my favorite thing to do. (80 degree weather - what are you gonna do?) My 11 year old was ready for me to go up and down the absurd incline that is our street. While it felt great to be back on a bike, I think I will have to work up to that. Eventually, we'll hit some of the trails around our neighborhood; and perhaps someday I'll tackle White Rock Lake.

In the meantime, I am happy knowing I didn't forget how to ride a bike. Now to get some sparkly tassels...

I Resolve to No Longer Make Resolutions

January is such an fresh start for so many. If resolutions work for you, that is awesome! Keep on keepin' on. For me, resolutions can feel like "one more thing," and I beat myself up if I don't hold to them all year. If you are like me, I would like to offer you some alternatives that seem to work better for my brain and lifestyle.

A few years ago, a friend introduced me to the concept of the One Word Theme for the year. I liked this. I found a word to return to throughout the year much easier to manage and keep up with. Past words include:

This year I met with a group of friends to discuss how we all were approaching the new year. That is how I learned about Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Trifecta. Every year she sets a One Word Theme, creates a list of things to accomplish (24 for 24 - last year was 23 for 23), and a daily challenge that plays with the numbers in the year. I highly recommend listening to these because each one feels more attainable that big, broad resolutions that can fizzle out by March:

• One Word Theme Episode
• 2024 Daily Challenge Episode
• 24 for 24 List Episode

I definitely am continuing my One Word Theme selection, and this year I created a 24 for 24 List that I carry with me. (Fave tip about 24 for 24 - set a regular date to check in on the list like the 24th of each month.) Perhaps next year I'll complete the trifecta. 

This year's One Word is:

It took me a while to get here. Thanks to my friends offering suggestions like: pace, step, embrace, transition when I described where I wanted to focus; I was able to make it to RHYTHM. There is a rhythm to everything in life, and I need to embrace those rhythms rather than try to fight and/or control them. Additionally, if I sense a rhythm is leaning more chaotic than I like, I can take a break and breathe until I regulate the rhythm of my body/heart back to a manageable beat. Finally, there is the idea that I will get into the rhythm of habits that help me be better throughout the year that I can carry into the rest of my life. The image of the mixtape will be my reminder of my word. I love a good mixtape because it represents thematic collections of rhythms that I can enjoy.

Then the universe patted me on the back reaffirming my word choice in two ways. The first happened while listening to an episode of The Lazy Genius Podcast with Kendra Adachi. (LOVE her - Be genius about the stuff that matters and lazy about the things that don't.) She interviewed James Clear, author of Atomic Habits (a book I very much enjoyed), and listen to how she prefers to refer to habits. Okay, if you didn't want to listen, she explains how she prefers to use the term "rhythm" instead of "habit." HA! 

The second time I knew that "rhythm" was the right choice happened during a meeting when I was introduced to an online platform called...wait for it...Rhythm. It doesn't really matter what the platform does. It was more about seeing my selected word like a spot on a map letting me know I am on the right path. 

Good luck to everyone out there setting resolutions, goals, etc. I find One Word Themes a more realistic way for me to focus on how I approach the new year. I'll let you know how my 24 for 24 List works out. 

If This Turkey Tastes Half as Good as It Looks...

 

With the Christmas season coming to an end,  I scrolled through holiday photos on my phone reflecting on the holidays. I came across one from Christmas day and decided to share. Enjoy my Tale of Two Turkeys.

If you don't recognize this GIF, go watch Christmas Vacation and thank me later.

I mean, this is my nightmare when it comes to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving. Since inheriting the job of roasting a turkey for the family, I've taken all precautions to avoid this very scenario. And roughly seven years in, I managed to perfect my recipe which culminated in quite a delicious bird for Thanksgiving this year:

It fell off the bone beautifully when I went to carve it.

This year I also roasted one for Christmas. Feeling rather confident in my abilities to produce a perfect turkey, I decided to take a wee nap while it roasted in the oven. (Can you blame me? I was up till almost 2 AM Christmas Eve to Christmas morning.) Two hours into what I assumed would be a three hour bake, my youngest son woke me up to tell me something was burning in the oven. I believe "plastic bacon-y smell" was used.

Y'all, the horror...

It was vacuum packed and not in a good way.

I could feel my BP rise. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew the plastic smell would be in my nose the rest of the day. How could this happen? It was fine when I basted right before I napped! I pulled it out immediately, cursed the oven (because clearly it was broken), and declared Christmas ruined.

Fortunately, my mother freaks out a little less and has a lot more life experience. Ha ha. She noted that the roasting bag probably puffed up just enough to hit the elements on the top of my oven. (Note: I do cut slits in the roasting bag to keep this from happening.) Once the plastic melted, it exposed the turkey which cooked much faster than anticipated. My son waking me up actually saved the bird!

In the end, the turkey was perfectly fine. The plastic didn't melt into the turkey. It kinda made more of shell on the turkey. Once removed, I was able to carve it up and serve it. Thank goodness. 

So until next year...

 

2023 in Review: Dr. and Mr. Croupe

This post will cover the last of my top three moments from 2023 (again, in no particular order). If you are interested in the other two, click here to read about my trip to Gold Bar, Washington or click here to meet the two newest Croupe family members. Just like my other two posts, I'll provide a little background on how I got to this point.

Some people would make excellent professional students. They enjoy research and study and want to attend classes with others interested in the same things. My husband is one of those people. I am not. I always did fine in school. I didn't hate it or anything. I understood that to be a teacher I had to go to college, so I did all the right things and got my BA in English in 2003. However, and my undergraduate GPA can attest to this, I wasn't the best at being a student. My study skills kinda stunk. I was not great at making to every class. I had this paralyzing fear of speaking with my professors about anything. Therefore, I would need extrinsic motivators to sign up for any more schooling in the future. Turns out, the district I taught in required a Masters which motivated an MLA in 2010. Excellent. Done. Right?

Enter a brisk, Saturday morning in the fall of 2018 during a paraprofessional learning conference, I stood in the hallway between sessions chatting with my Director (Instructional Technology) when she casually drops the question: "Why don't you have your Doctorate?" The easy answer was I don't do student-ing very well, so I avoid the potential of failure like the plague. The more complicated answer (that I realize now) is that the Imposter Syndrome that taunts me daily, had me believing I was not the type of person who deserved a Dr. at the front of her name. That was for distinguished people. That was for highly intelligent people. That was for people who could contribute innovative ideas to the world.

Me in August of 2023:

Exactly 20 years after I graduated with my BA, I now have my EdD in Educational Leadership. The journey was awesome. I still wasn't the best student, but I found something I loved to focus on for my study. Even now, when I read through my study I am quite proud of what I accomplished. (A great way to shut up that Imposter Syndrome - BTW.) What it really took was someone, my Director, who saw me as the type of person who deserved that Dr. in front of her name. She believed that about me, and then I did too. (Actually, it turned out a LOT of people believed that about me. It is amazing how we can be harder on ourselves.)

I'm still not used to addressing myself as Dr. Croupe, and I've had people point out how jerky it can be to correct people who still call me Mrs. Croupe. However, neither of those will keep me from saying this: I look forward to the day the mail starts coming in addressed to Dr. and Mr. Croupe.

PS: If you've earned a Doctorate, be proud of that. I'll gladly call you Dr. I'll also correct others on your behalf if they don't. 

2023 in Review: Fur Babies

Time to continue my top three moments for my 2023. These are in no particular order. You can read about my trip to Gold Bar, Washington by clicking here.

For some context on this next post, I'm going to back up to Thanksgiving 2022. We said good-bye to our sweet dog, Stevie, who had lung cancer and was no longer able to sleep or eat. With Stevie gone, we were without a dog for the first time since 2007. I wasn't sure how long we'd be without a dog as part of the family, and then one day Benji said, "You know what I miss? Having a dog excited to see me when I get home."

Benji expressed wanting a Pug he could name Donut, and Will shared his desire for a Corgi he could name Edward. Around the end of January I started following various rescues and checked city shelters almost daily. Going to a breeder is not an option for us. Every dog I've ever owned (as a child or now) was a rescue or adoption of some sort, and even with such specific requests I planned to keep it this way.

You know how sometimes you get a feeling and you just know something is meant to be? Around February, I saw a post on DFW Pug Rescue of a lil guy named Odis:

It only took one look. It was undeniably clear to me at that moment that we had to adopt this dog. Within a week, he was ours and renamed Donut:

I continued to watch the rescues over the new few months for Corgis. This seemed a more difficult task as many of the available Corgis needed to be the only dog in the family. Then around October I saw a post for Miss Mayhem (Sugar) on Forget Me Not Rescue - Texas's page. The name "Miss Mayhem" intrigued me, so I reached out and 48 hours later...

She was initially a little mischievous, but nothing the Croupes couldn't handle. Additionally, she is two-years-old like Donut! Their dynamic was my main concern. However, I had nothing to worry about. There are times they both get the zoomies and it is pretty nuts watching them run around the living room and kitchen, but in the end they are both super sweet dogs. Oh, and instead of renaming her Edward (which I told Will I was fine with since we'd had a Freddie and Stevie who were both female dogs), the boys chose to call her Biscuit in keeping with a British feel while matching Donut. By Thanksgiving 2023, we were a complete family. 

By Christmas 2023, we are still a complete family full of all the puppy love we could hope for.

PS: Both are dogs also have Instagram accounts: my.pug.donut and my.corgi.biscuit

2023 in Review: A Breath of Fresh Mountain Air

As 2023 winds down over the next couple of weeks, I will share the top three moments (in no particular order) for me from the year.

For this first post, there are a few things to remember (or know) about me:

• I am a believer. I definitely believe there are moments God calls us to something and we cannot fight it.
• I am what my husband describes as "indoorsy." Nothing clean happens outside. I do not camp. I do not hike. When I choose a vacation location, I want a big city like New York, LA, or London.
• I am an Enneagram One which basically means I am riddled with anxiety to get things "right" or "perfect."

Earlier this year, I told Chris we needed to take a short vacation somewhere in the mountains. Somewhere in the mountains near a stream or river. Somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. Yes, the call was that specific. God put this on my heart, and I had to make it happen. God was so explicit with His request, I used a text to image generator to show Chris where I needed to go:

We decided on Gold Bar, Washington. We would fly into Seattle (a new place for me) and check it out for a bit then drive on to a cute, mini cabin on the Skykomish. (Don't worry - the mini cabin had electricity and hot water. Let's not get crazy.)

For three days I soaked in the beautiful weather. I looked at the stars at night. I drank my morning tea on a deck overlooking a river running by mountains. I even made my way down to the river and sat on the rocks to watch the sun rise one day and set on another. I breathed the fresh air and listened to the birds. We even saw an eagle fly by!

Additionally, I went on TWO hikes. God called me to this place, but it was my Guardian Angel working overtime on my stupidity. Chris and I decided to see Bridal Veil Falls. Remember how I am "indoorsy?" Well, we didn't have any kind of hiking equipment. We had no idea what this would actually entail. WE HIKED UP A MOUNTAIN IN FLIP FLOPS. No water. In jeans. Was it worth it? Of course! However, we understand how incredibly lucky we were to make it down in one piece.

That doesn't me we learned our lesson. The next day we went up to Heybrook Lookout. Still in flip flops mostly because someone said they had done it in slippers. It was supposedly easier and much shorter than the Bridal Veil Falls hike. Y'all...if I never hike another day in my life, it will be too soon.

So why did God call me here? Why on Earth would He ask ME to go someplace so outside my preferences and comfort zone? 

Because I needed to stop. I needed to breathe. I needed perspective. I needed to let go of so many anxieties. I needed to know that I CAN step away from the day-to-day and things won't fall apart.

The trip didn't "cure" me of anything. I still wake up with 1 million things on my mind. It did remind me to take a moment though. I use the Calm app for soundscapes or meditations. I sometimes drive in silence to appreciate the quiet. I have a little more confidence when I want to take a risk.

In the end, I had to let go of control and trust. Two things I don't do very well. God knows this. That's why He knew I needed a reminder.

So there it is. One of my top three moments of the year.