This morning I will drop you off at Kindergarten. Over five years ago you made your grand entrance into this world on your own terms: way too early. I should have known then that you were just always going to be ahead of the game. For months your daddy and I debated holding you back a year. You weren't having any of that. So what if you are one of the youngest in your class? So what if you aren't going to be the biggest kid in your class? You are ready for this.
I, however, am not. I know how this works. I've experienced 10 years of first days of school. Yet, nothing prepared me for your first day of school. A part of me dreads what will follow after this day.
See, what your sweet and innocent heart doesn't see coming is life. You've never been bullied (or worse-the bully). You've never been friendless. You've never NOT known the right answer. You've never really dealt with dismay. For over five years I have worked hard to make sure you are loved and a loving individual. I found the perfect daycare where you grew up with the same 10-14 kids. All the teachers knew you and cared for you. It was the best because I took comfort in knowing they too were perhaps a bit protective of your innocence and goodness. Because of this, I am afraid today will be a shock to your system.
You will walk into a classroom with only positive expectations regarding your education. Why wouldn't you? Daddy and I reinforce the joys of school as often as possible. What I cannot stop are the kids who don't come from similar backgrounds. I cannot stop the kid next to you from teasing you when your enthusiasm takes off. I know that will crush you because you are kind-hearted and will not understand what is so amusing about your desire to learn.
You will walk into a classroom knowing none of the other students. But you are an adventurous extrovert and will do your best to make new friends. What I cannot stop are the kids who don't know how to be friends. These kids are new to me too. I cannot even promise I'll like the ones you choose to befriend, and that is quite an unsettling feeling. My heart breaks at the thought that you will return home friendless because that will make returning to school difficult.
You will walk into a classroom as one of the most precocious boys from your daycare. Quickly, you will see you aren't the only one with the answer. I know how you get when someone else gets the glory of being first or right. What I cannot stop is the other smart children. You will have to learn to share knowledge and how to be part of a learning unit. You will have your moments to shine, and my heart will swell with pride every time you do.
But I suppose this is how life is meant to work. Keeping you protected from the "real world" would only cause problems later. I know this. It doesn't change the fact I wish you could learn about all of this without having to experience disappointment or heartache. Besides, life can be full of truly momentous experiences that bring joy and abounding love that are best appreciated after accepting the other.
So while I choke back tears of excitement and anxiety, you are going to march confidently into school ready to conquer the world. You have all you need to succeed. I will remind myself this all day, and when I pick you up from school you will tell me all about the best first day of school ever.
Love,
Mommy
Monday, August 25, 2014
Friday, August 08, 2014
Time for a Change (or The Inmates are Running the Asylum)
Today was my official last day of being a work-in-the-home mom for the summer. Once upon a time I thought teaching was the perfect profession to pair with motherhood. I mean, I get all my vacations at the right times to keep my kids. I didn't believe I would have to choose career or family because for roughly three months of the year I could just focus on family. Then for the rest of it, I could "earn my keep" (just ask my hubby about how I love to spend money).
Oh silly, silly me.
We had one kid and this system seemed to work out. I mean it was pretty boring being stuck at home with an infant because most things for kids require them to be at least 4 or 5 years old. However, I managed and realized, since he was such a great infant who could often sit quietly and entertain himself with a few toys, that my summer didn't really change much. I could still devote time to planning for the upcoming school year.
Then we had another kid. Now, before I continue I want it understood that I ADORE my children and wouldn't trade them for the world. However, two kids changes a LOT. For instance, my second son is incredibly demanding of my time. He is not content to sit quietly and entertain himself with a few toys. Actually, if left for even a few seconds, one could possibly find him removing the grate and crawling into the air vents (ours are by the floors). Or one might find him unzipping and emptying out all the stuffing in the couch cushions. One might even catch him as he manages to remove his diaper WITHOUT removing his pants. And just recently he has figured out how to remove all of his clothing.
This has made my summer quite an adventure. Luckily, my oldest is finally old enough to participate in the cool stuff going on in the city. He attended a drama camp at the Children's Theater (his favorite), a camp at the Arboretum, and a three day art camp to create a mosaic. We also had our week long family vacation in Pittsburgh, so a lot of the summer has been eaten away simply by these things. And yet, the times we've spent at home are starting to take their toll. Even with a splashpad down the road, storytime at the library on a weekly basis, and a swimming pool in our back yard; working in the home with two young children has completely worn me out.
For starters simply feeding them is an experience. They eat three meals and two snacks a day. Last year I tried to be a "good" mom and put together healthy but fun lunches and snacks to make sure their bodies got what was best. Yeah, that lasted maybe a month. I just couldn't watch them and make sure everything was prepared appropriately. Plus, some of the grown-ups in my household aren't necessarily pleased with what so many parenting magazines consider "healthy and fun" snacks. This summer I realized that a 5 year old is content with PB&J every day for lunch while his 2 year old brother will gladly eat pieces of ham and cheese and one slice of bread.
Next came the changes in naptime. I used to love naptime. That meant I had TWO WHOLE HOURS to myself. I would usually lay in the pool for 30-45 minutes and then come in and read or sleep until the kids woke up. It was heavenly. Well, my 5 year old starts Kindergarten in three weeks meaning no more naps since he'll go all day. We tried that. It sucked. Instead, we made him take a 20 minute nap and then get up. However, his younger brother still needs a nap just not a long one. If the 2 year old naps for more than an hour, he will not go to sleep before midnight. All of this to say that I had to time the naps which meant no more relaxing for me. Boo.
Finally, my kids are social beings (even though the 2 year old is turning out to be quite shy and a homebody). They are daycare kids. They need that kind of interaction and stimulation. As much as they may love me, I cannot provide everything that the daycare does. So we have arrived at the point in the summer where they start acting out out of boredom and slowly driving me crazy. The oldest is starting to talk back and argue even calling my husband an "idiot" the other day. Unacceptable. The youngest insists on being held ALL THE TIME. And when he doesn't get his way the fits are becoming more and more dramatically epic. I am starting to resent my husband for being able to leave for business lunches and meetings (he usually works from home) simply because he gets to leave the house and the kids.
It is to the point where I almost don't care that the youngest opened and emptied his sippy cup all over the couch and ottoman for the second day in a row. I sit at the dinner table and just stare at my oldest and attempt to listen to his endless jabber about everything. It pretty much zaps my energy which I'd like to start putting towards lesson plans and getting ready for the school year. Have I started ignoring the screaming and arguing when it is in another room? Maybe. It never lasts long and as long as they are making noise I know they aren't getting into any real trouble.
So am I complaining about my role at mom during the summer? Does this mean I'm unhappy? Nah. All it really means is that summer is coming to an end. We can all feel it. I'm ready to be back in my classroom even though there still won't be enough time to get everything done. My youngest is ready to return to daycare even though he will probably throw a fit on Monday when I drop him off. My oldest is ready for his newest adventure in Kindergarten even though he still has a few weeks to wait.
It is just time. Time for summer to transition into fall. Time for a new season, school year, and chapter in life. Time for...time for...
Time for me to go to bed (seriously, I'm exhausted).
Oh silly, silly me.
We had one kid and this system seemed to work out. I mean it was pretty boring being stuck at home with an infant because most things for kids require them to be at least 4 or 5 years old. However, I managed and realized, since he was such a great infant who could often sit quietly and entertain himself with a few toys, that my summer didn't really change much. I could still devote time to planning for the upcoming school year.
Then we had another kid. Now, before I continue I want it understood that I ADORE my children and wouldn't trade them for the world. However, two kids changes a LOT. For instance, my second son is incredibly demanding of my time. He is not content to sit quietly and entertain himself with a few toys. Actually, if left for even a few seconds, one could possibly find him removing the grate and crawling into the air vents (ours are by the floors). Or one might find him unzipping and emptying out all the stuffing in the couch cushions. One might even catch him as he manages to remove his diaper WITHOUT removing his pants. And just recently he has figured out how to remove all of his clothing.
This has made my summer quite an adventure. Luckily, my oldest is finally old enough to participate in the cool stuff going on in the city. He attended a drama camp at the Children's Theater (his favorite), a camp at the Arboretum, and a three day art camp to create a mosaic. We also had our week long family vacation in Pittsburgh, so a lot of the summer has been eaten away simply by these things. And yet, the times we've spent at home are starting to take their toll. Even with a splashpad down the road, storytime at the library on a weekly basis, and a swimming pool in our back yard; working in the home with two young children has completely worn me out.
For starters simply feeding them is an experience. They eat three meals and two snacks a day. Last year I tried to be a "good" mom and put together healthy but fun lunches and snacks to make sure their bodies got what was best. Yeah, that lasted maybe a month. I just couldn't watch them and make sure everything was prepared appropriately. Plus, some of the grown-ups in my household aren't necessarily pleased with what so many parenting magazines consider "healthy and fun" snacks. This summer I realized that a 5 year old is content with PB&J every day for lunch while his 2 year old brother will gladly eat pieces of ham and cheese and one slice of bread.
Next came the changes in naptime. I used to love naptime. That meant I had TWO WHOLE HOURS to myself. I would usually lay in the pool for 30-45 minutes and then come in and read or sleep until the kids woke up. It was heavenly. Well, my 5 year old starts Kindergarten in three weeks meaning no more naps since he'll go all day. We tried that. It sucked. Instead, we made him take a 20 minute nap and then get up. However, his younger brother still needs a nap just not a long one. If the 2 year old naps for more than an hour, he will not go to sleep before midnight. All of this to say that I had to time the naps which meant no more relaxing for me. Boo.
Finally, my kids are social beings (even though the 2 year old is turning out to be quite shy and a homebody). They are daycare kids. They need that kind of interaction and stimulation. As much as they may love me, I cannot provide everything that the daycare does. So we have arrived at the point in the summer where they start acting out out of boredom and slowly driving me crazy. The oldest is starting to talk back and argue even calling my husband an "idiot" the other day. Unacceptable. The youngest insists on being held ALL THE TIME. And when he doesn't get his way the fits are becoming more and more dramatically epic. I am starting to resent my husband for being able to leave for business lunches and meetings (he usually works from home) simply because he gets to leave the house and the kids.
It is to the point where I almost don't care that the youngest opened and emptied his sippy cup all over the couch and ottoman for the second day in a row. I sit at the dinner table and just stare at my oldest and attempt to listen to his endless jabber about everything. It pretty much zaps my energy which I'd like to start putting towards lesson plans and getting ready for the school year. Have I started ignoring the screaming and arguing when it is in another room? Maybe. It never lasts long and as long as they are making noise I know they aren't getting into any real trouble.
So am I complaining about my role at mom during the summer? Does this mean I'm unhappy? Nah. All it really means is that summer is coming to an end. We can all feel it. I'm ready to be back in my classroom even though there still won't be enough time to get everything done. My youngest is ready to return to daycare even though he will probably throw a fit on Monday when I drop him off. My oldest is ready for his newest adventure in Kindergarten even though he still has a few weeks to wait.
It is just time. Time for summer to transition into fall. Time for a new season, school year, and chapter in life. Time for...time for...
Time for me to go to bed (seriously, I'm exhausted).
Sunday, August 03, 2014
Girl Power!
Today I ran across the article "Meet the Woman Who Made History With Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy" , read it, and thought, "My God! She's like a way cooler version of me I'd like to be! She's 33 and admires Ray Bradbury and SIR Kenneth Branagh, both of whom she's met. (I want to be her friend! Please let life work out where we can be friends!) However, the article did stand out for many other reasons.
Let's just start with the fact that a woman is behind the spark that became the awesome movie Guardians of the Galaxy. I love that she chose the "lesser [property]" that most people weren't sure was the best one for the direction of the cinematic part of the franchise. Woman's intuition! Ha! This says a lot about going with one's gut. Even though we like to rely on reason many times before taking a risk, there are moments when that nagging feeling in the pit of the stomach must be acted upon. I like that.
I also love, love, love the two year program Perlman was part of. It didn't seem like a usual intern program where Marvel just found a bunch of comic fanatics and tricked them into sorting through all the properties saving the higher-ups time. Instead, Marvel seems to take great care of those chosen for the program. I mean, Perlman's job at one point was to just read comic books! Then she was pretty much left alone to develop her idea. I cannot remember the last time I was left alone to develop ANY idea. There are always "rules" that have to be followed. I admire Marvel for allowing creativity to develop like that.
Then of course there is the class and humility with which Perlman accepted someone else would rework her original script. She understands how things work, and my frustration sits more with Gunn's "[downplaying] Perlman's involvement." I get it is probably all tied up into screen credits and money, but c'mon. Would it have killed Gunn to admit that Perlman's hunch about Quill and the gang is somewhat responsible for the film that scored 100% on Rotten Tomatoes?! Oh well. At least Marvel still treated her well letting her come on set and stuff.
So my favorite points: Marvel seems to know how to treat its people, Guardians is on the big screen because of a woman, and Perlman maintained her composure instead of going total fangirl when she got to work with SIR Kenneth Branagh (I totally would have giggled the whole time he was in front of me).
This is just an inspirational article. Not to mention it is a step towards changing many ideas about what a comic book fan and screenwriter looks like. Nicole Perlman-YOU GO GIRL!
Let's just start with the fact that a woman is behind the spark that became the awesome movie Guardians of the Galaxy. I love that she chose the "lesser [property]" that most people weren't sure was the best one for the direction of the cinematic part of the franchise. Woman's intuition! Ha! This says a lot about going with one's gut. Even though we like to rely on reason many times before taking a risk, there are moments when that nagging feeling in the pit of the stomach must be acted upon. I like that.
I also love, love, love the two year program Perlman was part of. It didn't seem like a usual intern program where Marvel just found a bunch of comic fanatics and tricked them into sorting through all the properties saving the higher-ups time. Instead, Marvel seems to take great care of those chosen for the program. I mean, Perlman's job at one point was to just read comic books! Then she was pretty much left alone to develop her idea. I cannot remember the last time I was left alone to develop ANY idea. There are always "rules" that have to be followed. I admire Marvel for allowing creativity to develop like that.
Then of course there is the class and humility with which Perlman accepted someone else would rework her original script. She understands how things work, and my frustration sits more with Gunn's "[downplaying] Perlman's involvement." I get it is probably all tied up into screen credits and money, but c'mon. Would it have killed Gunn to admit that Perlman's hunch about Quill and the gang is somewhat responsible for the film that scored 100% on Rotten Tomatoes?! Oh well. At least Marvel still treated her well letting her come on set and stuff.
So my favorite points: Marvel seems to know how to treat its people, Guardians is on the big screen because of a woman, and Perlman maintained her composure instead of going total fangirl when she got to work with SIR Kenneth Branagh (I totally would have giggled the whole time he was in front of me).
This is just an inspirational article. Not to mention it is a step towards changing many ideas about what a comic book fan and screenwriter looks like. Nicole Perlman-YOU GO GIRL!
