Continuing my series on the Enneagram, I begin deep diving into being a One. Before every chapter of each type in The Road Back to You there is a list of "What It's Like to Be a..." that provides insight into the mind of the particular type. I highlighted 12 of the 20 items because I identified strongly with them.
I'll spotlight three that hit me the hardest. There are also a few that are probably true, but I've worked hard to manage them since they would inhibit me from growing as a person.
1. I don't like it when people ignore or break the rules, like when the person in the fast lane at the grocery store has more items than allowed.
How this might look to others: goody-goody, self-righteous, judgmental
Happening in my brain: It doesn't even have to be an actual rule. If a person goes against an established expectation without facing a just consequence, I am not happy. If best practices exist for a situation and people refuse to follow them, I am not happy. We all agree on rules and expectations and best practices. That is how things keep working and chaos doesn't envelope our lives. People can get hurt when rules are broken. There are consequences when best practices aren't followed. Breaking rules can start a domino effect that impacts future events negatively. If someone else makes a mess by not following what is established, I feel like I always end up fixing their mistake. Follow the freakin' rules people!
All of this to say, I don't believe all rules are just nor should they be followed without question. An outdated, narrow-minded, unjust rule/practice/expectation should be changed or removed. No one should follow it. In this instance, it frustrates me to no end that people will blindly follow something clearly damaging to society. Our collective goal should be making the world better for everyone meaning evaluating rules and ditching the bad ones. Speaking of making the world a better place...
2. I think it is my responsibility to leave the world better than I found it.
How this might look to others: dedicating every waking moment to a cause sometimes at the expense of personal health and relationships, becoming quickly frustrated and angry at injustices especially related to my passion, excitement at finding others fighting for the same thing
Happening in my brain: Whoa. I stopped and took a breath after reading that on the list. For anyone unaware, I admire Jim Henson and what he accomplished in an obsessive way. The quote in the signature for my personal email comes directly from him, "When I was young, my ambitions was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for having been there." I live by this quote. What I mean is that everything I do is because I want something about this world being better because of me. I don't even need people to know it was me. It doesn't even need to be on a massive scale. I can simply be the drop that instigates a much larger ripple. I sincerely believe that the way I do this is by being in public education. Everything that drives me in my work is knowing, even if I am not around to see it happen, public education can and will be better some day. Through this, I am impacting generations of learners some of whom will change the world in grander ways. As I look back on my career, there are so many ways I've learned I could be better going forward...
3. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I could be a better person.
How this might look to others: reading A LOT about any and everything even trivial things to increase knowledge, being harshly critical of myself in all situations, second guessing everything decision I made in a situation or over thinking things I said to improve in the future
Happening in my brain: I will never be good enough. Never. There will always be a better version of me I am trying to achieve. I mean, this type is known as the Perfectionist. There is always something to learn and better ways to take care of things. In terms of my faith, I want to be a truer example of what Christ calls me to be. In terms of my family, I want to be the better wife, mother, daughter. In terms of my job, I want to be the model educator. Here's where it gets really messed up-I don't actually know what others want me to be because I cannot be inside their heads. They might actually be perfectly fine with how I am at this moment. All the pressure I put on myself to be better for each of them centers around the idea that I know I can be improved, and why would I give them anything less than the absolute best version of me? It doesn't matter how often they tell me I'm enough or that they love me the way I am. Yeah, it's exhausting. No, it never goes away.
On the list are a few things I know are not part of my hard wiring. These include:
I try to be careful and thoughtful about how I spend money. I could barely type that without laughing. Tell this to my numerous pairs of shoes, books, cosmetics, designer bags, etc. I definitely believe that I can't take it with me so spend it now!
It seems to me that things are either right or wrong. This is especially weird since following rules are kind of a big deal to me. However, there is a lot of gray in this world. I do not believe that everything can be put in a right or wrong category. There will always be a circumstance that needs to be looked at on an individual basis for it to be fair. After all, only a Sith deals in absolutes.
I like routine and don't readily embrace change. This is certainly not true, but I can see how a One who appreciates rules and order also desires routine. However, I like change. Change is required for me to grow and become a better person.
Does any of this sound like possible Ones you know? Stay tuned. There is more to come.
