Fine! I'll Admit it...

I love Bradley Cooper. Of course he was no where on my radar screen until The Hangover, even though I did see Wedding Crashers. I can't help it. I've been watching the trailers for Valentine's Day and even one for The A-Team. I'm in love...

The Sunnier Side of Life

A dear friend of mine was upset this morning because she read my last entry and waited for the more uplifting one before I went to bed. Well, after watching the Saints pull a victory (what a great game that was), I was too exhausted and crashed for the night. So here it is:

"I Do Not Love You"
by Pablo Neruda

I do not love  you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

This poem reminds me that love doesn't always have to be head over heels/knight in shining armor kind of stuff. Sometimes it just is and sometimes it is dark. It is actually kind of a nice feeling. Every now and then I try to remind myself that someone loves me like this.

The Battle at Home

In case you didn't know, the district where I teach has made national news because of the strict dress code that would not allow a four-year-old attend class until his parents cut his hair.

For starters: that's what is making the news?! Really? Out of all the things the public school system in the State of Texas lacks that filters down to individual school districts, this is what people focus on? When's the last time a parent even inquired about the curriculum taught or the classroom management practices of particular teachers? How about the fact that before a child will take the actual minimum basic skills exam for the state, they will have already taken 3-4 practice minimum basic skills exams? What about all the valuable class time lost for all that testing? What novels do students read in a given year? What kind of math and science are they learning that will apply later in life? Can students identify North America on a map (seriously, when I asked some students what countries made up North America they said Brazil, Europe, and Texas)?

Just let all that sink in and then look at the stink this whole dress code situation has made. Before anyone tries to give me the "self-expression versus better discipline" crap, understand that this should never have been about the dress code. This is about following rules. The parents knew about the dress code BEFORE enrolling their son into Mesquite Independent School District (MISD). They weren't tricked or had any rules changed after he started. This means they also knew that consequences would ensue should their son not follow the rules. If they had a problem with the dress code, then they needed to find a different pre-K program for their child.

Do I think long hair impedes learning? Of course not. I can teach a kid with a mohawk just as well as one who is bald. I teach gifted kids for crying out loud. If anyone suffers from loss of self expression through clothing and hair styles, they definitely do. But they manage because they understand that life can be full of stupid and arbitrary rules. Many jobs have dress codes and employees are expected to follow them. A person can get a speeding ticket for doing 67 in a 65 mph zone.  Some places of business don't allow patrons in without shoes. To return merchandise most of the time a receipt is needed, even if you are an honest person who wouldn't lie about where the item was bought. It doesn't matter. Rules exists and to function in our society, one has to follow them.

That's the kind of discipline this issue is about. It is not about that kid's hair distracting from learning (although some would argue that to be the case). Can the kid follow a rule? Well, his parents are teaching him he doesn't have to.

Some people might say that challenging the rule is the parents' right. Okay, excellent point; however, they are not challenging it appropriately. Creating a media circus will not help them get their way. A friend of mine who studied education law mentioned that there have been tons of cases where parents go up against a district's dress code, and it usually ends with the parents being told that districts are allowed to have dress codes and they must be followed. If these parents want to affect change, they need to learn the system for proposing that change and getting the community involved. After all, it is the people of the Mesquite community that voted on the current dress code. (I know because my parents voted even though my sister and I had already graduated and moved on with our lives.) Instead of just attending the one school board meeting to make a scene, start getting involved in the district. Learn about how the system works and how to change it. Find out why the current rules exist and then take a logical and well supported approach to reach out to the community and encourage them to vote for the change.

My second biggest issue with all of this is the morons who keep commenting on the news stories and have zero stock in this situation. They don't have kids in the district, heck, they don't even live in the district. Both ends of the spectrum are included here: the way laid back lefties and uber-conservative righties. Both ends dwell on the "self-expression versus better discipline" argument when, as I've already mentioned, that should not even be the topic up for discussion. Unless a person is being directly affected by all of this, s/he needs to shut up and stay out of it. It is really irritating because I know that many teachers in the district have strong feelings about it (the ones who actually know what dress code does and does not do in the classroom), but nobody has bothered to ask us what we think. So the news and the district would rather listen to a bunch of randoms over actual Mesquite employees.

All of this I could have dealt with, and actually was starting to let go of whenever someone mentioned this issue. Then I saw a post my husband made on the news site about all of this. In his snarky and smart alack tone, he posed the perfunctory question of what research shows that discipline and learning is directly linked to the length of a kid's hair. (Good one babe, that argument has never been made before.)

Here's why I fell completely apart (and not just because he equated MISD to Nazi Germany like some other jackass in one of the news articles):

If my own husband does not support the district (who signs my paychecks), he cannot possibly take what I do seriously. All the years I come home and vent about the actual injustices of the public education system, he decides to jump on this insane band wagon. He is going to become part of the system trying to further destroy what I do. (I deal with a lot as a public school teacher, and if you also teach in public school in Texas you know what I mean.) Now I know that if someone else brings all this up in conversation, my husband won't say something like: "Yeah, Lydia is really frustrated because there are a lot of other issues she wishes they would address." or "Lydia is ready for all this to be done because she is just as frustrated with the dress code but knows she has to keep doing her job." or "Every district has it ridiculous quirks, but my wife does well there and the kids love her." No, he will probably continue to tear down Mesquite and once again I'll be left alone to defend what I do and why I do it.

For the record, the parents agreed to put the kid's hair in braids so he could attend class, and I will post something a little less intense before I go to bed.

Up the Ear Canal Without a Paddle

Well one my nightmares has come true: my son has ear problems.

I spent much of my infancy and childhood with non-stop ear issues. I had tubes put in twice and my tonsils and adenoids removed at age four. Even with this, I have battled ear infections for the past 28 years of my life. Adults do not tend to get ear infections because their ear canals grow and shape themselves appropriately. My left ear canal must of missed the memo on the forming normally part because it always gives me problems that led up to a full ear drum blow out, hearing loss, and inner ear reconstruction.

My little William had two ear infections and ruptured ear drums within a week and a half of each other. He already had an ear infection last August. So this makes three in his young nine months of life. The pediatrician said she usually likes to wait until infection number five before referring to an ENT, but with my history of ear catastrophes I should get Will to an ENT right away. Even though most infants have ear infections because their ear canals are still growing and shaping themselves, sometimes infants inherit their parents' flatter ear canals (which of course is more likely in this case). Naturally, I started crying and the doctor was kind enough to give me a hug. Now my baby will probably need tubes in his little ears. I know this is common for babies, but it only led to bigger and worse problems for me. The good news is that the ENT they recommended ended up being my ENT. So when I go for my hearing test next Tuesday, I will just take my son with me.

As soon as I got home, I fell apart again for handing down my cursed ears. My sweet husband endured my complaining about Will probably never being able to enjoying swimming in the summer, hating to fly, and dreading  sinus infections that inevitably affect the ears. I continued to go on about how awful I felt about giving Will my ill-functioning ear canals when Chris said, "But I bet they are beautiful ear canals."

I love my husband.

When in Doubt, Start a Book Club

My husband sent me an e-mail the other day asking if I would like an eReader. My answer was something to the effect of: "Is that the thing where you can download a whole bunch of stories onto an electronic device? Then absolutely not."

See, reading a book is an experience for me. It involves four of my five senses. The feel of pages fluttering as I thumb through a potential purchase. The scent of age and wisdom if the book is used or the fragrant new print smell of one right off the presses. Hearing the subtle crack of the spine as I open the new adventure. Then, of course, jumping in with both eyes.

This kind of bibliobsession is shared by a very few in today's society. Proof being the eReader and Kindle. Fortunately, I work with a phenomenal set of ladies who share my fascination with the written word. Over a year ago, we decided to start a book club.

Once a month we each prepare a dish and meet at alternating members' homes. The group is appropriately named The Bad Girls Book Club not because we party so hard we need our own WE television series, but because sometimes people come and sometimes they read the book. (Most book clubs I have heard about are very strict in their reading guidelines and don't smile upon people who choose just to show up for the socialization.) However, our group is much more about the camaraderie than reading. And yet, we still manage to love, read, and discuss books.

I guess I am thankful to know such an awesome group of women. No matter if we like or hate a book, we always have a good time and learn a little about each other. Friendship is so valuable. Perhaps that is why I have a difficult wrapping my brain around people who choose to be alone. Regardless of how long our book club manages to stay together, I cherish every minute we spend eating, discussing, heckling, debating, eating...

2010 Check-In

I have officially been in the year 2010 for 13 days. Even within the first two weeks of the new decade a ton has happened.

My 2010 Book Challenge: Much to the shock of my husband, I blew through Pretties, Specials, and Extras by Scott Westerfeld in four days. I couldn't help myself. Pretties and Specials are too captivating. Not only do I have a new favorite female protagonist (welcome to the ranks Ms. Tally Youngblood), but I have a new favorite author as well. I fully intend to read more of Westerfeld's novels. His writing style is fun and easy to fall into. The Uglies Series has earned a permanent spot on the bookshelf next to The Harry Potter Series, Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings, and The Hitchhiker's Guide Series. Westerfeld's brilliant futuristic dystopia will also be a set that I will read again and again. I have issue only with Extras. It by no means ruined the series (like Breaking Dawn--that was just awful), but I am still trying to find its place among the magnificence of Tally and her journey to find her true self. Perhaps it is Westerfeld's genius as work again because Extras is simply that: an "extra" part of the story and one not necessary to complete the trilogy.

My baby got sick: Will has brought in the new year with a ruptured left ear, an ear infection in his right ear, and an eye infection in his right eye. Before anyone hands me the "Worst Mom of the Year" Award, I had already taken him to the doctor on suspicion of something wrong and was told that he was fine. He never had a fever, continued to eat everything we gave him, and happily played at daycare. I called to get him in again when more drainage began to appear from his left ear. Even when we went back to the doctor, Will did not have a fever. It felt like it came out of no where, but we do have antibiotic in his system now and drops for his eye and ears.

My hubby got a raise and has an interview for another position at work: Someday I would like to stay home with (hopefully) the three children I would like to have. In order for that to happen, my husband is working towards a position and paycheck that will allow me to do that. (Of course, my mind will wilt if I don't have some type of hobby so suggestions for that are welcome.) In the meantime he received a nice raise and will be interviewing to be on a special team at work that will get his foot in the door for bigger and better things.

There's my 2010 in a nutshell so far. Is it good? Is it bad? I have decided not to classify anything in those terms. So many people I know are already cursing this new year and wanting a redo of 2009 or fast forward to 2011. This hurts my heart because we have been given another year of life and a chance to make 2010 count for something. Even if the first two weeks have not been the best, there are 50 more to make 2010 a year worth liking. This is also why I refuse to make any resolutions. I will just live my life as the best Christian example that I can. As long as I do that, I shouldn't have to change or plan to change any unwanted behaviors. Thanks to my Culture and Society of Imperial Rome class last semester, Marcus Aurelius already aided in slightly altering my mindset last year. Putting my improved way of thinking and my desire to live a good life together should cover just about everything.

The Adventures of Cordelia Organa-Solo

Well, I did it. My alter ego truly exists in all her glory. Enjoy her first story:

Here I am, in my fashionably late twenties, single, and teaching high school English. Believe it or not, this is a dream come true for me. I knew long ago that the only way to save the world was not by saving a single cheerleader, but indeed by saving many cheerleaders, athletes, musicians, thespians, and other average American school children.

As usual, my curriculum calls for that great playwright: William Shakespeare. As usual, many of my students are attempting to covertly keep their No Fear Shakespeare open on their laps under their desks. Here's the real irritation. When did we need to start fearing Shakespeare? He wrote for the masses. If you had a penny, you got to see a show. For goodness sake, the man spoke and wrote in English. One little "thee" instead of "you" and my students panic like there at a disco or something. If they just gave Shakespeare a chance first, they would see that he can be funny, inappropriately sexual, and rather intelligent all in one play.

Then today while I'm trying to fire up Much Ado About Nothing instead of King Lear; let's face it-what teenage kid is going to relate to a middle aged, lunatic king; it occurrs to me: These kids can read Shakespeare. They just don't want to do the work of thinking about it.

"Aides" like No Fear and Cliffsnotes and Pink Monkey and Book Rags, etc. are the real enemy here. They do all the analyzing and synthesizing for the students. How am I possibly supposed to get to those higher levels of thinking in my classroom when my students already have it done for them? That's when the light bulb went off (I had stood too long in one place in my classroom and the timer for energy saving shut off my classroom light). My next stop would be the bookstore next door.

Cheerily I greeted the clerk setting up a display of the hottest new hardbacks which all dealt with vampires in some form oddly enough. I cautiously zigzagged my way around the story making sure to never look directly at a camera. I browsed the mysteries and local literature. I made one rotation around the bargain book bin and then narrowed in on my victim.

There it stood ever so smugly crossing the line of hubris that usually angers the gods. In about five minutes the smirk would belong to me. My fingers flipped the matchbox in my coat pocket around a couple of times. In the flashiest of flashes I had pulled two matches out, swept them across the side of the box, and tossed them onto the display. Before the first bellows of smoke could reach my nostrils I had turned to make my way out of the door. The horror stricken octaves of store employees reverberated off the walls, and I let the cool glass shut behind me.

Before you judge me, understand I do not consider those books. They are a plague on intellect and deserve to burn. Sure they still exist on the internet and the war is far from over, but as I head to the next bookstore in my area I take comfort in knowing I've won a small battle.

Stupid Me

Wow! This is a record for me. Two days of blogging in a row. I did something so stupid to my blog. I accidentally deleted the old background code, and I don't think they have that anymore because the only one I could find is this pastel pink one. Boo! So I had to redo all my font colors, and I don't like the combo as much as my old one. If anyone finds this same background but with hot pink instead of pastel pink, please let me know.

I did indeed return to work today and realized I have the same gut wrenching feeling sitting in my classroom that I had at the end of my one year in Lancaster. It might be restlessness. That does tend to be an unfortunate trait of my generation. We have short attention spans because of the instant gratification society we were raised in. I know I want to keep teaching, it may just be the school where I teach that is wearing on me. I'm still trying to figure all of that out. Either way, I owe my current district 3 more years since they were gracious enough to pay for most of my Master's degree. The next step then is to find a way to manage where I am for at least the next three years. I thought about all the vices I could take up like drinking and smoking but I value my liver and lungs too much. Then I thought that maybe I could start a small revolt with my students where they ever so subtly take down the system (some great movies have been made based on this idea), but then it occurred to me that some of my students might not need that much power in their hands.

In the end I decided on an alter ego. I could write her adventures based on all the things I wish I could do. One of my favorites so far is that she surreptitiously sets Cliffs Notes displays on fire in all the book stores in her area. That's all I have for now. She doesn't even have a name yet. I'll take suggestions.

My Book Challenge for 2010

After a lot of thought and reading other sites for perspective, I have decided to challenge myself. I love to read and if I set a goal, I know I will accomplish it. Most book challenges are 52 books, one a week. Well, I know that that is a bit ambitious even for me. So I have decided on 40 books for some wiggle room. If I finish these, I have some ready to go. My "theme" will be young adult novels since those are usually what my students are likely to pick up. I want to be able to make sound suggestions if they come to me with questions about what they should read.

I've alphabetized my list by author last name because I teach English; however, I do not plan to read them in any particular order.


13 Reasons Why Asher, Jay
Wonderful Wizard of Oz, The Baum, L. Frank
Tithe Black, Holly
Valiant Black, Holly
Ironside Black, Holly
Weetzie Bat Block, Francesca Lia
Forever Blume, Judy
Great and Terrible Beauty Bray, Libba
Rebel Angels Bray, Libba
Sweet Far Thing Bray, Libba
Ender's Game Card, Orson Scott
City of Bones Clare, Cassandra
City of Ashes Clare, Cassandra
City of Glass Clare, Cassandra
Hunger Games, The Collins, Suzanne
Chocolate War, The Cormier, Robert
Catherine Called Birdy Cushman, Karen
Maze Runner, The Dashner, James
Magic Under Glass Dolamore, Jaclyn
Once Upon a Marigold Ferris, Jean
Inkheart Funke, Cornelia
Inkspell Funke, Cornelia
Inkdeath Funke, Cornelia
Noah Confessions, The Hall, Barbara
Catalyst Halse Anderson, Laurie
Twisted Halse Anderson, Laurie
Juliet Club, The Harper, Susan
The Silver Kiss Klause, Annette Curtis
Gathering Blue Lowry, Lois
Messenger Lowry, Lois
Dairy Queen Murdock, Catherine
Little Prince, The Saint-Exupery, Antoine
Cather in the Rye Salinger, J. D.
Pretties Westerfeld, Scott
Specials Westerfeld, Scott
Extras Westerfeld, Scott
Dealing with Dragons Wrede, Patricia
Searching for Dragons Wrede, Patricia
Calling on Dragons Wrede, Patricia
Talking to Dragons Wrede, Patricia