There is an episode of The Golden Girls where Sophia gets a Shopper's Warehouse Membership Card. Shopper's Warehouse being the equivalent to a Sam's Club or Costco. After making a ridiculous amount of purchases including a gross of toothbrushes, Sophia admits to her daughter (Dorothy) that she feels like buying all this stuff equates to an immortality of sorts. Surely, God won't take her before she uses everything up.
Unlike Sophia, I don't plan on serving a large amount of sardine* casserole with sort of an oatmeal cookie crust anytime soon; however, I better understand her grasping at longevity after my first solo experience at Sam's Club yesterday.
My parents had a Sam's Club Membership when I was a kid, so I had been inside one before. I'm not a complete newbie. This was my first visit as a grown up with my own card. My goal was to stock up on (relatively) healthy snacks for the kids for the summer. I also wanted to check out the produce and meat since people are always getting good deals at these warehouse stores.
I invite you to travel through my first visit to Sam's Club.
Let's start with the fact I was not carded upon entry. I thought that was a thing. I had my Sam's card and driver's license ready. How am I supposed to feel special with this membership if just anyone can walk in? Only slightly disappointing.
Right in front of me, as soon as I casually strolled in, were all the cool things one would need for an awesome summer. We needed pool floats, so it only made sense that I purchased this:
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| It's a pool bean bag chair! I can use it in water and on land! |
Once this was gracefully stuffed into my cart, the real exploration began. The amount of food blew my mind. I don't remember there being so much of something in one container. For example, I have never been near this much ranch at once:
And sugar is really heavy when it comes in a large bag:
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| Seriously, the weight of that bag of sugar made everything else hard to carry when I was loading my car. |
They have things I didn't even think I would ever need:
I was super tempted to buy my family's meals for the next month:
But I had to draw the line somewhere. As for all the stuff that came in bulk but was not food:
I was super tempted to buy my family's meals for the next month:
But I had to draw the line somewhere. As for all the stuff that came in bulk but was not food:
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| What would one do with all the slime this makes? Probably sell it to Nickelodeon. |
Needless to say, I had plenty in my cart after a half an hour of wandering around the store. I even checked out the clothing! Guess what happened when I tried turning my ridiculously full basket onto the aisle of shoes? Yep. I knocked over three stacks of shoe boxes on the end cap. Embarrassing. Fortunately, two employees happened to be walking by to witness my awkward moment and helped me clean everything up. They were super sweet and joked that at least it wasn't the wine display. I agreed.
At some point, the fire alarms started going off, "Attention: Smoke has be detected in the store. Please make your way to an exit." I'm pretty sure that is what the guy said. 1. I heard it a lot. 2. I'm deaf in my left ear, so maybe I didn't hear it perfectly. I asked an employee if it was serious. He assured me it was not. The system was broken. He clarified that if the employees weren't exiting or running out of the store, then I didn't need to worry. Good to know.
Speaking of my deaf ear (see #2 in paragraph above), it turns out there is a Hearing Aid station next to the Optical Center in Sam's Club. Since I was already there, I figured it couldn't hurt to ask about one. I mean, I don't need to purchase a package of 12 or anything, but maybe they could get me one at a good price.
I took my free hearing test to confirm what I already knew: I've pretty much lost all hearing in my left ear. The good news is that a hearing aid will help me! I am going back tomorrow to have one programed for me. Then I will wander around Sam's again but this time to force people to speak with me and hear how it sounds. If it is as wonderful as I am hoping it will be, I can start the process of getting a hearing aid of my very own!
Perhaps I'm more of a Golden Girl than I should be at age 36.
In the end, I felt the awesome power of shopping in bulk just like Sophia. My husband, like Sophia's daughter Dorothy, was exasperated by the crushing defeat of the sales total.
