The Soundtrack of My Life

There are times when I truly enjoy a nice, long drive (long equaling 30-60 minutes) when I can put on the music I want to listen to and rock out if necessary. I had such a drive this past Saturday on my way to get my hair cut. The music of choice: Linkin Park.

Many people are surprised when they discover what an avid fan I am of this particular group. I bought Hybrid Theory in 2000 and haven't looked back:). Even though Meteora gets the most play, there's just something about how they can scream at me one minute and actually sing pretty darn well another. I sort of see them as a catharsis for many of the things I tend to feel or want to say. Reflecting on my adoration for them, I also began to think how I define life through music. People, places, emotional states all have their own song in my head. (I even have one that I will change the radio station from when it begins to play because it makes me think of an ex-boyfriend.)

What really had me thinking on Saturday morning's particular drive was what people would be able to learn about me simply by listening to the two songs that I feel define me the most: "I Enjoy Being a Girl" from the musical Flower Drum Song and "Numb" by Linkin Park. I also realized how long it took me to getting to a place in my life where I could find two songs to properly define me.

"I Enjoy Being a Girl" Flower Drum Song:



(This version is from the film and slightly modified.)

I'm a girl, and by me that's only great!
I am proud that my silhouette is curvy,
That I walk with a sweet and girlish gait
With my hips kind of swivelly and swervy.

I adore being dressed in something frilly
When my date comes to get me at my place.
Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy,
Like a filly who is ready for the race!

When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curl,
I float as the clouds on air do,
I enjoy being a girl!

When men say I'm cute and funny
And my teeth aren't teeth, but pearl,
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl!

I flip when a fellow sends me flowers,
I drool over dresses made of lace,
I talk on the telephone for hours
With a pound and a half of cream upon my face!

I'm strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave and free male
Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl... like... me.

When men say I'm sweet as candy
As around in a dance we whirl,
It goes to my head like brandy,
I enjoy being a girl!

When someone with eyes that smolder
Says he loves ev'ry silken curl
That falls on my iv'ry shoulder,
I enjoy being a girl!

When I hear the compliment'ry whistle
That greets my bikini by the sea,
I turn and I glower and I bristle,
But I happy to know the whistle's meant for me!

I'm strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave and free male
Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl... like... me.

This is pretty straightforward. I like dressing up and putting on make-up. I like buying cute shoes regardless of the damage they may do to my feet later. I've always liked having boys get me nice things (I forewarned my husband and he hasn't disappointed yet). Pink is my favorite color, and I am convinced I was a Disney princess in another life. However, I do love knowing that having a Prince Charming is nice but not necessary for me to be successful. I can be a girly-girl and still kick ass as a woman.

"Numb" by Linkin Park:



I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take.

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.

And I know
I may end up failing too.
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

Perhaps a bit more telling? Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you just how good I am at playing the game of life (metaphorically-although I'm pretty good at the actual board Game of Life). I know how to be diplomatic enough to keep peace, stay out of trouble, and maintain the right connections. That also means that I have my own secrets, insecurities, and frustrations that are not always allowed out to play. Therefore, this particular song fits my life much more often than people realize especially since the person/situation to which this song is addressed shifts so much for me.

Now my mission is to come up with a legitimate soundtrack for my life. I want to include songs that make me think of friends, family, and significant events. Perhaps when they finally make a movie of my life (Natalie Portman as me, Amanda Bynes as my sister, and Seth Meyers as my husband), this soundtrack can be what they play!