Retraining the Brain

For the first time in 11 years I didn't greet students at my classroom door on the first day of school. This didn't really affect me until the latter end of the week when my co-workers donned their spirit shirts and cheered on the football team Friday night. Then I started thinking of all the things I didn't experience this first week of school. It took its toll because for years the end of the first week of school meant exhaustion and a sore throat from constantly "laying down the law" to make sure the rest of the year went well. This time? My brain felt like I was forgetting to do something.

When I leave work now, I actually get to leave work. Nothing comes home with me. Really. I have one bag, and it is really just my purse. There were no parent or student or administrator e-mails that I ignored all day that needed to be answered. There was no mountain of SpEd or 504 paperwork I needed to go sign. There were no referrals to drop in the tray for the admin to see the next day. There wasn't any last minute lesson changes to hurry up and get copied before first period. It was incredibly weird.

My brain has never been built for non-motion. That may sound odd but what I mean is that a teacher's brain runs continuously. (Even in my sleep, I often dream of the classroom.)

So now I am trying to find ways to keep my mind occupied. It isn't as easy as one would think. The truth is that I've been micromanaged for so long (as it seems most teachers are) I don't know what to do when someone trusts me completely to take care of my business. When I finish a task, I am actually done. Since I am left alone to do what I gotta do, I end up completing things with plenty of time left in my day. That isn't to say I need more to do because I am working on ways to become more involved in my new role. It is just a little unsettling to think that for years I allowed myself to be so bogged down and watched so closely.

Perhaps that is just what makes an educator an educator. We don't know any better:). What I do know is that I will never be able to 100% quit thinking like an educator. I was born that way. However, my current position is going to force me to rewire the brain a bit. I might actually have time to write more in the evenings or even read a whole book before it is due back at the library. (Then again, I might just start binge watching Netflix Original Series.)

We'll see how I'm doing come Thanksgiving Break.