Dear Children's Programing:
Please stop teaching my child it is okay to lose. It's not okay. When people compete there are winners and there are losers. They are not even close to the same thing, and it's definitely not okay to be one of the losers. Before you start thinking dastardly things about me as a mother...
I am a part of the "trophy kid generation" meaning I know what it feels like to see everyone get a trophy or medal or ribbon for simply participating (a.k.a showing up and converting oxygen to carbon dioxide). I bust my ass to overachieve. It drives me crazy that someone who does absolutely nothing other than exist may receive the exact same reward/acknowledgment that I worked so hard for. Fortunately, I am a self-motivated person; therefore, I know deep down that I'm better for working smarter and being more creative. The problem arises when kids who aren't self-motivated and need external inspiration to keep excelling see this. The message those children receive is, "It's okay to settle and be mediocre. You're not going to get recognized any more for your work than the kid who does nothing." So that's what those children who are truly talented or work hard begin to do: embrace mediocrity. The message the kids who did nothing receive is, "No effort required to be special." Then we end up with a bunch of lazy kids who feel entitled to things.
This is why competition is so important: win or lose. There are invaluable lessons to be learned from both.
1. Win: Not only does the kid feel fantastic for reaping the benefits of all his/her hard work, s/he might actually find a passion or talent that can be developed into something further like a career. This is also an excellent opportunity to teach a child how to win with class. I would love my child to win but not to be a jerk about it.
2. Lose: If the activity is something s/he loves to do but isn't that great at, then as a parent, it is my job to discuss where we want to go from here. The kid needs to figure out what went wrong and then decide if s/he wants to work hard to improve and perhaps win later, or if it is a matter of limitations. I think more parents need to discuss limitations with their children. Sometimes we are not designed to be a superstar athlete or famous rock/movie star. I also blame parents for forcing their children into activities that the children may not be suited for. My husband would love for our son to be a football star (or "booball" as my son started saying today); however, my husband and I are tiny people and not very athletic. If my son is not a great success on the football field, we should talk about his options maybe not including football. That doesn't make him a loser, but that does allow him to pursue other avenues where he may "win." Of course if he loves playing football, practices hard, understands that he might never be a starter for the Pittsburgh Steelers, AND is okay with that because he just loves the game and wants to keep playing; then so be it. However, he will be under no delusion that he should be handed a trophy just for trying.
None of this means I believe we shouldn't recognize children for individual talents. I don't mind giving a set of children "trophies" that are different and individualized. That's a great way for kids who aren't usually noticed or rewarded to end up in the spotlight. For example, I can give a quiet child an award for her talent in art while her loquacious counterpart receives one for his charisma. See, both children are highlighted without creating an underachiever or lazy winner.
Thank you Children's Television for trying to do what's best for my child, but I think you're actually doing more harm than good. Perhaps your programing should encourage children to find their strengths and how to talk to their parents about them. Maybe you could even teach parents how to allow their children to be their own people?
Sincerely,
Me
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
What Makes a School Great
What Makes a School Great
By clicking on the link above, you will see a cover story from a current issue of Time magazine. As an educator, who happens to adore her job, I always grab anything that is going to "reflect" the educational system in the United States. Usually I'm disappointed because people making policy or writing books or creating films or telling me how to do my job have never stepped foot into a real classroom to teach. This is why I stopped seeing teaching movies because they are all the same: idealistic white person who wants to change the world lands in the ghetto/barrio and sees that kids have rougher lives than trying to learn how to diagram a sentence. Not that I don't believe these type of children deserve quality teachers, but there is a large number of average kids who also deserve great teachers. Now, I'm not opposed to anyone who wants to make sure the focus of education is truly on the children; however, it's usually the same people who have no idea who my children are.
That brings us to Waiting for "Superman." It comes out in theaters soon, and I am debating seeing this film. All I know so far is what Time has written and what the American Federation of Teachers (AFT) President has to say about it because I am a member of AFT. Actually, her letter about the movie was the first I heard about it. Read her letter here by clicking on "Where we Stand: Saving our Schools: 'Superman' or Real Solutions" on the webpage (it's a PDF file). This is the same AFT President painted as the antagonist in the Time article. This is another site that AFT has created regarding this movie.
One thing I always teach my students is to consider the source when looking into a solid argument. Unfortunately, like many of my students, I see a lot of gray area; therefore, black and white arguments are very difficult for me (as Obi-Wan would say, "Only a Sith deals in absolutes.") I also encourage my students to see/hear/read whatever they are going to judge so they know what it is that they agree or disagree with. So I guess if I'm going to set an example, I need to see Waiting for "Superman." I suppose my hesitation hovers around how angry this movie might make me. Perhaps I also fear enough parents and policy makers will see this movie and stop trying to build up the public school system (I think another post should be dedicated to my stance on private and charter schools). Teaching in the public school system, even though I love it, is hard enough without making more enemies.
I want to encourage anyone who reads this to look at the articles I've included (maybe even see the movie) and make the best decisions to support both the teacher and the student.
By clicking on the link above, you will see a cover story from a current issue of Time magazine. As an educator, who happens to adore her job, I always grab anything that is going to "reflect" the educational system in the United States. Usually I'm disappointed because people making policy or writing books or creating films or telling me how to do my job have never stepped foot into a real classroom to teach. This is why I stopped seeing teaching movies because they are all the same: idealistic white person who wants to change the world lands in the ghetto/barrio and sees that kids have rougher lives than trying to learn how to diagram a sentence. Not that I don't believe these type of children deserve quality teachers, but there is a large number of average kids who also deserve great teachers. Now, I'm not opposed to anyone who wants to make sure the focus of education is truly on the children; however, it's usually the same people who have no idea who my children are.
That brings us to Waiting for "Superman." It comes out in theaters soon, and I am debating seeing this film. All I know so far is what Time has written and what the American Federation of Teachers (AFT) President has to say about it because I am a member of AFT. Actually, her letter about the movie was the first I heard about it. Read her letter here by clicking on "Where we Stand: Saving our Schools: 'Superman' or Real Solutions" on the webpage (it's a PDF file). This is the same AFT President painted as the antagonist in the Time article. This is another site that AFT has created regarding this movie.
One thing I always teach my students is to consider the source when looking into a solid argument. Unfortunately, like many of my students, I see a lot of gray area; therefore, black and white arguments are very difficult for me (as Obi-Wan would say, "Only a Sith deals in absolutes.") I also encourage my students to see/hear/read whatever they are going to judge so they know what it is that they agree or disagree with. So I guess if I'm going to set an example, I need to see Waiting for "Superman." I suppose my hesitation hovers around how angry this movie might make me. Perhaps I also fear enough parents and policy makers will see this movie and stop trying to build up the public school system (I think another post should be dedicated to my stance on private and charter schools). Teaching in the public school system, even though I love it, is hard enough without making more enemies.
I want to encourage anyone who reads this to look at the articles I've included (maybe even see the movie) and make the best decisions to support both the teacher and the student.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Cancer Sucks
I really don't know where to start this post. It's 2:22 in the morning, and I can't sleep. I want to cry, but I don't want to wake my husband up. Over 15 hours ago I was informed that a sweet and young friend of mine passed away from cancer. Really, I don't deserve her friendship because she left a couple of years ago for a different teaching position in another district, and I never bothered to say hello or check-in once I knew she was sick. What makes me feel even more wretched is the fact that I attended both high school and college with her, worked with her for years at North, was a guest at her wedding, and wrote one of her recommendations for the new position she applied for when leaving North. (I told you-I'm a crappy friend.)
Of course her death reminds me how short life really is (she wasn't even 30), and my own mortality plagues my mind constantly. I want to say that I'll be more appreciative of the friends I have and the life I live. Instead I feel selfish and undeserving. She leaves behind a husband, and all I can do is pray that God doesn't take mine. She wanted to have children, and having Will isn't enough for me. I greedily want more.
I teach my students a saying, "Fair is what is right for you, and it is never equal." But right now all I want to scream is, "It's not fair!" What is the world supposed to do with one less kind, compassionate, smart, and beautiful person? I don't believe she was capable of harming a hair on a head. With so much indifference and cruelty in life, won't this knock everything out of balance? Yes, I believe she made that much of a difference.
I screwed up and never told her that when she was alive. Even now this post is supposed to make me feel better. And this is why I have to believe there is more after death. I need to know that life is not simply the years we're allotted here. Brandi has to be happy in Heaven because that's what she deserves.
Of course her death reminds me how short life really is (she wasn't even 30), and my own mortality plagues my mind constantly. I want to say that I'll be more appreciative of the friends I have and the life I live. Instead I feel selfish and undeserving. She leaves behind a husband, and all I can do is pray that God doesn't take mine. She wanted to have children, and having Will isn't enough for me. I greedily want more.
I teach my students a saying, "Fair is what is right for you, and it is never equal." But right now all I want to scream is, "It's not fair!" What is the world supposed to do with one less kind, compassionate, smart, and beautiful person? I don't believe she was capable of harming a hair on a head. With so much indifference and cruelty in life, won't this knock everything out of balance? Yes, I believe she made that much of a difference.
I screwed up and never told her that when she was alive. Even now this post is supposed to make me feel better. And this is why I have to believe there is more after death. I need to know that life is not simply the years we're allotted here. Brandi has to be happy in Heaven because that's what she deserves.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise
It's 7:45 A.M. on a Sunday. I'm running on about four hours of sleep. My head is slightly unfocused and my mouth a bit dry. I'm definitely hungry but too tired to eat (clearly not too tired to write). None of this would seem unusual if I were in my early to mid-twenties recovering from a night of good, healthy debauchery. Instead, I'm 29 dangling my toe off the precipice to 30, am happily married with an adorable son, and will be doing the responsible thing of preparing to go to church in a couple of hours. So where did I go wrong?
I wouldn't say I went "wrong" really. Perhaps I just realize why girls have slumber parties when they are conquering adolescence instead of adulthood. Last night I held an actual slumber party for four sets of sisters who all grew up together. An impromptu night out about four months ago sparked the idea. A few of us were having margaritas with our moms (yeah, I know), and it occurred to me how awesome having all nine of us back together for one night would be! We all share a childhood that would be riotous to recollect, and it would be doubly entertaining to gush about where we are now.
This all culminated into a night of laughter, memories, movies, friendship bracelets (no, you read that correctly), food, and drinks! Without a care in the world, I shoveled pizza, chicken nuggets, cookies, and rum and Cokes into my system. (Something which my reflux is maniacally punishing me for this morning.) In good spirits, no pun intended, I eagerly went to work on friendship bracelets! I had a list of all the people who would receive the fruits of my labor. It was going to be sweet. After hours of measuring, cutting, and undoing; all I have to show for my efforts are two bracelets with about an inch completed. (Apparently hand/eye coordination diminishes with age.) I think I managed to pay attention to two of the four movies we watched before I had to throw in the towel and come to bed. Seeing that is was 3:15 in the morning, I impressed even myself at my stamina. (However, the grown-up inside was kicking me because I wasn't in bed sooner since my son started waking up at 7 for breakfast.)
Do I feel a little old? Yes, but mostly because my mommy isn't currently in my kitchen making pancakes for when all of us wake up and are ready to have breakfast (one of my favorite memories). We'll all probably nibble off of the pizza and chicken nugget remains before everyone goes back to her adult life. Would I change anything about last night? NO! Maybe we are grown-up with responsibilities that never would have crossed our minds at 13. Maybe we gush about our pets and jobs instead of how we're going to marry 'NSync (go ahead and laugh-you know you want to). Maybe we even decided that tie-dying t-shirts would have been a better craft than friendship bracelets (okay, I decided that). But we also still manage to lift each other up and make each other laugh. I firmly believe that in life I need that:).
So even though my body will probably enjoy punishing me for the rest of the day for the junk food abuse it suffered last night, I have collected new memories for the next time we all decide to slumber party-hardy. (Then again, if we wait another 10-12 years, it will probably be a better idea to have a couple of drinks, go home and head directly to bed. Just ask our moms 'cause that's what they did last night.)
I wouldn't say I went "wrong" really. Perhaps I just realize why girls have slumber parties when they are conquering adolescence instead of adulthood. Last night I held an actual slumber party for four sets of sisters who all grew up together. An impromptu night out about four months ago sparked the idea. A few of us were having margaritas with our moms (yeah, I know), and it occurred to me how awesome having all nine of us back together for one night would be! We all share a childhood that would be riotous to recollect, and it would be doubly entertaining to gush about where we are now.
This all culminated into a night of laughter, memories, movies, friendship bracelets (no, you read that correctly), food, and drinks! Without a care in the world, I shoveled pizza, chicken nuggets, cookies, and rum and Cokes into my system. (Something which my reflux is maniacally punishing me for this morning.) In good spirits, no pun intended, I eagerly went to work on friendship bracelets! I had a list of all the people who would receive the fruits of my labor. It was going to be sweet. After hours of measuring, cutting, and undoing; all I have to show for my efforts are two bracelets with about an inch completed. (Apparently hand/eye coordination diminishes with age.) I think I managed to pay attention to two of the four movies we watched before I had to throw in the towel and come to bed. Seeing that is was 3:15 in the morning, I impressed even myself at my stamina. (However, the grown-up inside was kicking me because I wasn't in bed sooner since my son started waking up at 7 for breakfast.)
Do I feel a little old? Yes, but mostly because my mommy isn't currently in my kitchen making pancakes for when all of us wake up and are ready to have breakfast (one of my favorite memories). We'll all probably nibble off of the pizza and chicken nugget remains before everyone goes back to her adult life. Would I change anything about last night? NO! Maybe we are grown-up with responsibilities that never would have crossed our minds at 13. Maybe we gush about our pets and jobs instead of how we're going to marry 'NSync (go ahead and laugh-you know you want to). Maybe we even decided that tie-dying t-shirts would have been a better craft than friendship bracelets (okay, I decided that). But we also still manage to lift each other up and make each other laugh. I firmly believe that in life I need that:).
So even though my body will probably enjoy punishing me for the rest of the day for the junk food abuse it suffered last night, I have collected new memories for the next time we all decide to slumber party-hardy. (Then again, if we wait another 10-12 years, it will probably be a better idea to have a couple of drinks, go home and head directly to bed. Just ask our moms 'cause that's what they did last night.)
