3 is the Magic Number

My son will be 3 years old tomorrow. Considering the circumstances of his birth, that is a true miracle. However, what is marking this particular birthday in a unique way is that it will be last one where he is an only child. I'm due in August; therefore, every birthday my boy has from here on out will include his little brother. Becoming an older sibling will change my son (I hope in all the right ways) and our parenting tactics. In honor of my last year as the mother of an only child, I'd like to reflect on what parenting has taught me.

Babies cry. There's no way to avoid it. The idea that I would have to run and pick up my son every single time he made a peep is ridiculous. When would I ever get a break? And what am I teaching my child? In the end, he would simply train me to cater to his whim instead of me training him to be a little judicious when he chooses to cry. Not that my husband and I were cruel. 10-20 minutes is what we would wait to see if our son quit crying. I know that can seem like an eternity with the noise level some kids reach, but 9 times out of 10 our boy was silent after 5 minutes. He learned that there are times he had to go to sleep and there are times mommy and daddy are busy around the house, so he had to entertain himself. The benefit to this was that when he did continue to cry, we knew something was genuinely wrong and were able to help him. In a small way, I also think this helped make him a bit more sociable because he didn't expect us to coddle him in new surroundings or with new people.

Cribs are where babies sleep and the master bed is where I sleep. My son has slept in bed with my husband and me TWICE in his three years on this planet. And both those times he was very sick. As a baby, I always made sure my son slept in his crib. I wanted him to understand that we each have our own space to relax and get rest, and it has worked. To this day my son prefers to sleep in his "big boy bed" rather than in our bed. He might hop in bed with us to watch television, but as soon as it's time to sleep he says his good nights and heads to his room. When he does ask to sleep with us we remind him that he has to start in his bed and if he is still awake when we check on him, he can come to bed with us. Every time he is either asleep when we check on him OR he tells us he wants to stay in his bed. Transitioning from crib to bed was a breeze, and we don't have to "trap" him in his room to make him sleep in his own bed.

There's a full serving of vegetables in a can of Manwich. I did choose to breast feed my son. It had nothing to do with any type of moral high ground. I just thought it was cool that I could provide for my kid in a way no one else could (of course the BEST part was seeing a dear friend's face when she opened the freezer looking for something). Never do I judge the mother who chooses not to breast feed. I read somewhere once that "breast is best but formula isn't poison." Absolutely true. Besides, some women discover that breast feeding isn't an option for them due to physical limitations or sickness, and what message would that send if I sneered at them and said something caddy like, "But wouldn't you want the best for your child?" (Yes someone actually said that to me once.) This just launches into my son's current diet. Should his meals properly represent the entire food pyramid? Probably. Do they always? Nope. Do I feel guilty about his? Puh-leeze. I promise my son gets what he needs even if it isn't organic. He's pretty good about eating anything we put in front of him (except pork-he always asks for "real" meat when we try to feed him pork), so I don't worry about much else.

Kids get dirty. One of the first mottos I adopted after the birth of my son was "everything's washable...even me." To expect a kid to stay clean is like expecting a baby not to cry. It will only lead to insanity. I once watched a mother clean her kid's hands after every bite the little girl took while eating. Wow. Is that child ever going to be allowed outside to play? If I'm not scrubbing dirt off my kid at the end of the day, then I'm doing something wrong. Kids need to explore the world around them. Including the messy stuff. As for germ regulation, I never really was too concerned mostly because I figured a tougher immune system wouldn't hurt. I was right. My kid only gets sick once a year.

Be grateful for a healthy, happy child. There are some moms who seem to WANT something to be wrong with their child. They actually look for symptoms and get angry when no one else finds anything there. Why can't we just be content with our children? In actuality there should probably be a delay of some sort in my son because he was so premature; however, I fight very hard to keep people from knowing about his early entrance into the world because I don't want it to become a crutch. I've taught kids with legitimate needs, and my son does not have any special circumstances. It would embarrass me greatly if he tried to blame irresponsibility or a poor choice on the 11 week "developmental delay" he supposedly had the first year and a half of his life.

There isn't one right way to parent a child. I don't believe in reading books on parenting because they just make me mad. All I've seen them do is turn perfectly normal people into complete parenting lunatics. These expert books just create paranoia about meeting milestones and second guessing decisions regarding the kid's best interest. Who needs that? I keep one book. It is the American Academy of Pediatrics resource guide for kids birth to five years. I like it because if I have a question, I just look up the age range of my son and what should be going on with him. It usually goes something like this: "Your kid should be doing blah-dee-blah, but he's probably doing this-that-the other. He's fine." Since it is put together by the AAP, I know I can trust these experts and I never feel like a parenting fail after I read it.

I'm sure there is a ton more I could say especially since I am a working mom (another great sin according to some). It all comes down to the fact my son is loving, friendly, happy, and entertaining. As long as this is true, I know I'm going in the right direction with this parenting thing. I've thoroughly enjoyed these first three years and await the adventures two bright boys will bring.