There he is... MR. America?

Schedules aligned and I had enough energy to take my three-year-old to the Mr. True Blue Pageant where I work. Our student council started this event last year because they thought it would be nice to recognize the young men at our school since we have a Homecoming Queen but no King. (I'm sure using it as a fundraiser is also a bonus.)

Here's why I thoroughly enjoyed tonight: great kids still exist. Even though at the core a teenager has always been and will always be a teenager, there are so many things kids face today that never once crossed my mind when I was younger. I see the change more vividly perhaps since  I teach where I also attended and graduated high school. I also watch television and know that these kids have companies pandering to them in ways that wouldn't have even been allowed when I was growing up. (I just recently read that Victoria's Secret is going to have a new "department" for teen girls? I'm already concocting a blog about why I am glad I have two boys.)

Since the focus of this evening was on the young men, it was refreshing to see that regardless of what society tells these boys they are supposed to be, they manage to be well spoken, well mannered, well groomed, and well brought up. All of them had the support of family and friends. All the cheering was appropriate and fun. Not once did I have to put on my "teacher hat" to correct a negative situation. It was a great feeling!

I took a little pride in knowing that seven of the 18 contestants sat in my classroom at one point in their academic careers. It was wonderful being able to whisper in my son's ear, "That's one of Mommy's students." All of the young men were excellent examples for my son to be watching, and I was tickled when he got excited during the talent portion.

The talents ranged from cooking to singing to dancing to instrument playing. And my little boy loved it all. I loved the fact that my son could see all the possibilities before him of what he could do when he is older. 

The whole evening was a feel good kind of night. Teachers deserve nights like this and should cherish them. We are doing something right and this was a great reminder. Good job KHam! Be proud of your crew! I certainly am.

"You are the light of the world..."

"...your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father." Matthew 5: 14, 16 (NAB)

Without causing an online debate about theologies,  I simply wish to explain why I chose to believe in the goodness of others and happy endings.

The bombings at the Boston Marathon was a horrid reminder that evil deeds can often appear successful especially after hours of mending wounds, healing hearts, and searching for the cowardly culprit(s) behind such a vicious crime. All day my news feed regurgitated headlines emphasizing the blood and loss of limbs and ominous feeling of the "who-done-it."

I fought the urge to leave work, pick up my boys from daycare, go home, and lock us all away never to go out into such a terrible world again! It took all of my effort to fight back the numerous thoughts of all the terrible things that happen in this word and all the terrible ways they could happen to those I love. It quickly lead to questioning why I bother to bring two innocent children into a world that could so callously take them out. I started thinking how every morning when I kiss my children good-bye it could be for the last time.

The option of cynicism and anger and hatred becomes so tempting. Why be kind to a stranger especially if he is the sicko with potential to cause so much damage? Why use kind words to people who probably don't appreciate them? Why not become an island so no one affects me and I affect no one? Or better yet, why not just always put myself first? Why find what makes me genuinely happy when Twitter and Facebook show us how much more entertaining cutting commentary that strips people down to their faults and then pokes fun at them seems to be, and how we are encouraged to use those methods to lift ourselves up? (I know I've been guilty of it. It is easy to do.) Why not focus on the material so I can attain what society deems success? Why not dwell on what I don't have but deserve?

Then I stopped.

I started to notice tweets and posts that included:

And then a friend tweeted this article about actor Patton Oswalt's take on the whole situation.

It all reminded me that I exhaust myself being "light" in the darkness. My unceasing optimism and idealism is what makes me such a great educator (and a loveable annoyance to some of my friends I'm sure). But you know what? That exhaustion is worth it if it means I can band together with other beams and outshine whatever malefactors threaten humanity.

Good will always win. Perhaps it may not be immediately, and in the instant gratification society "now" is when people want results, but good will triumph ultimately. I firmly believe that. Just as I firmly believe my simple "thank you" and "have a good day" can alter a person's perspective if even for a moment. I believe in the goodness in children (even my teenage students), and if it is cultivated correctly doesn't have to become evil. I believe that my happiness lies in love: the love of my family, the love of my friends, the fundamental love of life. When I project my light, my love can become contagious, and if enough of us project such a love then hate/ignorance/frustration/anger will have no one to cling to.

I realize many people will scoff or roll their eyes or label me delusional. How can I ignore the harsh realities of life? I can't. But I can do as Marcus Aurelius advises:

"Say to yourself first thing in the morning: today I shall meet people who are meddling, ungrateful, aggressive, treacherous, malicious, unsocial. All this has afflicted them through their ignorance of true good and evil. But I have seen the nature of good and what is right, and the nature of evil and what is wrong; and I have reflected that the nature of the offender himself is akin to my own...the same fragment of divinity. Therefore, I cannot be harmed by any of them, as none will infect me with their wrong."

Yes there is badness in the world and the feeling of helplessness to stop it can be overwhelming, but how I choose to continue to live my life facing evil head on is what matters. I am not alone in this as evident by the continuous support that avails itself after a tragedy. There are a bunch of us out there and it is vital that we always remember that.

As wise Master Yoda states: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering" and, "Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter."

STAAR Wars (I never get tired of calling it that)

STAAR English exams are underway this week, and anyone in public education around here will unabashedly tell you how s/he feels about this. Many of the gripes will include: nightmares about testing gone awry, stress induced headache/reflux, tears, anger, tears, tension knots in the shoulders, tears...The bottom line is that testing benefits no one except those pocketing the dough from it (I'm looking at you Pearson)*.

For me, as a high school English teacher, the truth behind the test stress lies in this:

Great teachers can only be born. That doesn't mean that they all teach in a classroom, but those that do understand that teaching isn't something that can be shut off at the end of the day. It is intertwined with the marrow of one's bones. At all times my brain is alert to anything that may spark a lesson or deepen a class discussion. Ideas originate from the news, movies, books, activities my 3-year-old son does at school. I can look at someone's lesson and begin to morph it into my own. Teaching is who I am, and I must admit I believe myself to be pretty good. All true teachers feel this way.

In the past, I simply scoffed at the standardized tests because my classroom was a place where learning transcended such piddly notions. I was confident that my students were ready for life and the test would just take care of itself. For many years this has worked. Perhaps it was a bit arrogant of me to see myself in such a great light since my scores always came back satisfactorily and I was left to run my classroom as I saw fit. I know I've gotten away with more than many of my peers simply because my students do perform so well. The fact is-I love my profession. And if I can be recognized repeatedly at something I truly love, then I will take pride in that.

The STAAR exams are essentially mini-AP exams for on-level students. I am a firm believer that students will rise to the expectations set for them. Therefore, it is not impossible to teach on-level students skill necessary to pass an AP-esque exam. However, the gap from TAKS to STAAR is so great that it isn't going to happen overnight and policymakers expect results now.

As a consequence, the outcome of these tests will define (for administration, parents, and politicians) my competency in the classroom. It IS stupid that so much rests on one day because I cannot control what a student will do when s/he enters a room on testing day. Did s/he have to work a double shift last night to help pay bills? Did mom/dad come home drunk? Does mom/dad even care about education? Is s/he in charge of all younger siblings and not given time to take care of him/herself? Did his/her electricity get shut off last night? Did s/he eat breakfast? Is s/he mad at a run-in with an administrator this morning? Will s/he just be a punk and purposefully screw up to spite the test?

In the end, and aside from the things I cannot control, my ultimate fear is: What if I am not the kind of teacher I always believed myself to be? What if my passion for teaching and the lessons I create aren't as awe inspiring as I've convinced myself they are? I will have failed my students. According to the State, I will have failed them based on skills others deem necessary. According to my own standards, I will have failed them by not being the teacher they truly need. All of the prescribed curriculum that I'm required to use I know in the teaching-marrow of my bones is insufficient and only teaches to a test. And yet, if the results aren't what is expected, that same sub par curriculum will prove itself superior to the lessons I painstakingly create to build skills students will actually need in society.

And that fear is why I finally broke down and cried this morning causing the eye make-up I attempted to apply to roll down my face.

I just have to make it to Friday.

 *Check out my friend The Crib Keeper's site about one kids answer to standardized testing.