No Bright Light or Flashes of My Life

Two weeks ago I was 29 weeks pregnant and slowly swelling Violet Beauregarde style. My knees were giving me some trouble on my joints because of the water weight. A few days prior I had my check-up and everything was fine, so I assumed this was normal pregnancy swelling. I made a call to my doctor at the end of the day expecting to receive a prescription to help relieve some of the fluids. Instead, I had to have my blood pressure taken by the school nurse to find it had risen to 150/110 for some reason.
Obviously, I did not realize what the blood pressure rise actually meant, so I stupidly drove myself to the hospital (let's not dwell on what would have happened had I stroked behind the wheel). While filling out the usual paperwork in the Labor and Delivery part of the hospital, I figured it could not be that big of a deal because no one was rushing to look at me or anything.
They put be on a blood pressure monitor and seemed only slightly concerned that my BP was elevated. The doctor on call even came by and calmly told me that the goal of the evening would be NOT to deliver a baby. At that point I began to panic. What did that mean? I couldn't deliver my baby 10 weeks early! After a couple of hours of monitoring my BP, the doc broke the news that the baby had to be delivered. I called my husband through tears to tell him just to head to the hospital after work (he had already asked if I wanted him there and I told him that I didn't think it was any big deal...well I was wrong). Things felt a little better once my husband arrived because he was the only calm, familiar face in the room. However, things went from bad to worse and at 7:50 P.M. they rushed me into emergency surgery. At 8:26 P.M. I was a new mom.
The first two days in the hospital was mostly a blur because of the dreadful magnesium sulfate trudging through my system. Two and a half days into my hospital stay they let me move out of 24 hour watch into a normal post partum room. One day after that I was ready to be sent home. Then an accidental blood draw proved to be a life saver. Two days after I was moved out of 24 hour care, I was moved right back. My condition is known as H.E.L.L.P. (Hemolysis, Elevated Liver enzyme levels and a Low Platelet count). Usually a person will start to regain platelets and the liver enzymes will go back to normal. However, mine began to crash AFTER starting to go back to normal. It turns out that I could have died TWICE. Fortunately, my doctors and nurses took great care of me and eventually I began to recover. Eight days after admitting me, I was discharged to go home. Currently I'm taking two different BP medications and being forced to stay home and "relax" (though most of the time I feel unproductive and useless).
As for my baby boy, he was born a fighter and continues to amaze everyone. He was breathing on his own the minute he was born. Of course there was usual stuff the docs and nurse had to do to guarantee his lungs developed normally, but he quickly went from intubation to SI-PEP to oxygen tubes to nothing at all. His IV has also been removed. The only tube left is the feeding tube. At 2 pounds and 10 ounces, my baby is super tiny, but I have a feeling he will be a chubby, healthy baby in a couple of months.
The most difficult part of all of this is having to leave my baby at the hospital. Sure I get to see him everyday, but I feel incomplete because he is across town instead of across the hall. All day long all I think is, "I want my baby." It's one thing to have to wait for him if he is still inside of me, but now that he's here I hate having to wait to bring him home.
All in all I know that God is good because my baby and I are doing well and survived a very traumatic ordeal. Honestly, I never was afraid to die. Perhaps it was because I did not have a true grasp on the situation or whatever. All I kept hoping was that if someone had to die that it would be either my baby or me and not both my baby and me. I could not stand the thought of what the loss of both of us would do to my husband or family.
For now I am just taking it day by day...