Teaching was never a choice for me. It will always be something I was simply born to do. If you know me, you know this to be 100% true. I have the heart and mind of an educator. It never stops. I think about my students and their successes long after they leave my class. I lay in bed at night reworking and adding to lessons because I saw or read something that I want to share in class. Getting in front of a bunch of teenagers and making a fool out of myself so they can better understand an author's purpose is second nature to me. And I must admit, I'm not bad at what I do.
So the decision to resign my post was not an easy one at any point and time. To be honest, I resigned this time last year angry at the system for ruining education. There was no fun to be had thanks to unrelenting standardized testing and policy-makers who seemed to enjoy making educators miserable. I was convinced no one ever had or would view me as a professional in my field. Why should they when so many tout how much better it is to home school or charter school or private school? It hurt and was rather insulting to think that all of my studies and education amounted to nothing. It seemed evident that the only thing anyone required was a wind-up monkey of sorts to churn out a curriculum soaked in testing remediation. It felt even more wretched knowing my colleagues across the nation were experiencing similar situations. I was in a very dark place and not sure what to do, so I quit.
Then one evening I received the following e-mail:
"Thank you so much! I fell in love with this book. The ending is so dramatic, I love it. By the way, I knew Lord Henry's influence was going to ruin him. If he wouldn't have pointed out the pleasure behind Dorian's youth and beauty and how it would all eventually fade, none of this would have happened. Anyways, thanks once again. I shall be buying my own copy soon enough (:"
See, this young lady was originally rather peeved at me for assigning her The Picture of Dorian Gray. In a few sentences, this student reminded me that affecting change can sometimes happen in small but incredibly important ways. I decided to wait one more year to see if I could find the light in the darkness. After all, no great teacher goes into teaching for the money.
So here I am a year later and no longer angry. No one will ever understand the pure joy and crazy frustrations of teaching unless he or she actually steps into a classroom and, well, teaches. Therefore, all that anger I felt was really quite wasted. It only made me miserable, and many opinions still did not change. Then I was left with a new problem: me.
I know that every year I matter to 150ish students, and when one adds that up over 11 years it turns into a lot of people. Yet, I believe I can do more. My passion for the classroom has stalled. I know there is more to learn and to teach. Then it occurred to me that if I were able to train/teach teachers, I could indirectly reach so many more kids. AND, if I found a way to help shape and mold curriculum, I might actually start making systematic change!
Three paths unfolded before me at this point: building curriculum strictly through English/Language Arts, building curriculum through cross-curricular instruction, or building curriculum through educational technology. All three would be a step upward in the education chain and require me to leave the classroom. Yet, I have never been more certain that it is time for something different.
That is why Wednesday I accepted the position of Instructional Technology Specialist in a neighboring school district.
