Dear William,

This morning I will drop you off at Kindergarten. Over five years ago you made your grand entrance into this world on your own terms: way too early. I should have known then that you were just always going to be ahead of the game. For months your daddy and I debated holding you back a year. You weren't having any of that. So what if you are one of the youngest in your class? So what if you aren't going to be the biggest kid in your class? You are ready for this.

I, however, am not. I know how this works. I've experienced 10 years of first days of school. Yet, nothing prepared me for your first day of school. A part of me dreads what will follow after this day.

See, what your sweet and innocent heart doesn't see coming is life. You've never been bullied (or worse-the bully). You've never been friendless. You've never NOT known the right answer. You've never really dealt with dismay. For over five years I have worked hard to make sure you are loved and a loving individual. I found the perfect daycare where you grew up with the same 10-14 kids. All the teachers knew you and cared for you. It was the best because I took comfort in knowing they too were perhaps a bit protective of your innocence and goodness. Because of this, I am afraid today will be a shock to your system.

You will walk into a classroom with only positive expectations regarding your education. Why wouldn't you? Daddy and I reinforce the joys of school as often as possible. What I cannot stop are the kids who don't come from similar backgrounds. I cannot stop the kid next to you from teasing you when your enthusiasm takes off. I know that will crush you because you are kind-hearted and will not understand what is so amusing about your desire to learn.

You will walk into a classroom knowing none of the other students. But you are an adventurous extrovert and will do your best to make new friends. What I cannot stop are the kids who don't know how to be friends. These kids are new to me too. I cannot even promise I'll like the ones you choose to befriend, and that is quite an unsettling feeling. My heart breaks at the thought that you will return home friendless because that will make returning to school difficult.

You will walk into a classroom as one of the most precocious boys from your daycare. Quickly, you will see you aren't the only one with the answer. I know how you get when someone else gets the glory of being first or right. What I cannot stop is the other smart children. You will have to learn to share knowledge and how to be part of a learning unit. You will have your moments to shine, and my heart will swell with pride every time you do.

But I suppose this is how life is meant to work. Keeping you protected from the "real world" would only cause problems later. I know this. It doesn't change the fact I wish you could learn about all of this without having to experience disappointment or heartache. Besides, life can be full of truly momentous experiences that bring joy and abounding love that are best appreciated after accepting the other.

So while I choke back tears of excitement and anxiety, you are going to march confidently into school ready to conquer the world. You have all you need to succeed. I will remind myself this all day, and when I pick you up from school you will tell me all about the best first day of school ever.

Love,
Mommy