3 Decades and Counting

I turned 30 this year. I'm incredibly proud of this fact. This means I've survived 3 decades of life! Every year is one more gift from God to see what I can make of it. It seems sort of dignified to say I'm 30. I'm officially a grown-up. All those years as a child deciding what my life would be like, and here I am. Now I didn't become a famous movie star (or have a famous movie star fall in love with me-that was the much more common fantasy), and I have yet to pen the next great American novel, but I have a career where I actually make a difference. I have friends that make me laugh. I have a child who loves me. I have a roof over my head. I have a crazy family that I could never do without. It seems to me that things are going pretty well. Perhaps that's why I've always loathed the term, "those were the best years of my life" when referring to high school or college. Shouldn't every year be the best year of your life? You exist! That's a pretty good start. I also become very frustrated with people who want to live in the past by behaving inappropriately for their ages. What's so terrible about your life right now that you constantly remark on/act out ways to escape it? (No wonder society seems to be crashing and burning! So many people want to remain adolescent. Why? I already quake at the thought of some of my teenage students running the world some day.)

After 30 years, I like who I am. I hated me in high school. Started to like me in college, and finally decided to embrace fabulous me in my mid-20's when I realized I could like the color pink, sparkly things, flowers, dresses, make-up, jewelry and still be a pretty assertive gal. It's all about my confidence in the end, and even though I'm not quite as bold as I'd like to be someday, I think I'm getting there.

I also insist on seeing the good in people. I truly believe there is good in everybody. Someone would really have to be a pretty big slime to convince me s/he doesn't contain a descent core. The downside to being so sickeningly optimistic about humankind is that when I'm proven otherwise it's a really hard blow. Fortunately, I am not proven wrong very often. Besides finding the good in everyone also allows me to love with my whole heart (the only way to love in my mind). I believe these are the things people like about me who choose to be around me. I enjoy knowing that God is using me to be a beacon of light, love, and hope.

It's with this mindset that I embark on 2011. I'm going to make year 31 count just like the previous 30. I'm going to stand strong in my convictions. I'm not going to agree with something that goes against my beliefs because "it's more common than you think." That's the ridiculous adult equivalent to "everyone's doing it." I'm also not going to allow anyone to care for me with any less zest or fervor than I show him/her or deserve. People who cannot love me for who I am with their whole hearts don't need to be in my life. I give a lot as a friend and am worth a lot as a person. I will continue to learn about my faith and relationship with God. I will continue to give 100% in my life (of course I'll distribute it amongst the different facets accordingly because I've tried the 100% to each facet of my life and that nearly killed me). I am determined.

"When, in the early morning, you are reluctant to get up, have this thought in mind: 'I rise to do a man's work. Am I still resentful as I go to do the task for which I was born and for the sake of which I was brought into the world? Was I made to warm myself under the blankets?'...You do not love yourself. If you did, you would certainly love your own nature and its purpose....Display then those virtues which are entirely within your power: sincerity, dignity, endurance of pain, indifference to pleasure, contentment, self-sufficiency, kindliness, freedom, simplicity, common sense, and magnanimity." -Marcus Aurelius