The one thing constant in life...

Once upon a time I truly believed that I could change lives. God gave me a gift, a love, a desire for teaching. I know that my vocation is to educate, to share knowledge and gain knowledge from those I teach. I just knew that as long as I achieved at the highest levels for my kids that I would indeed affect change. My students would not only learn the beauty of reading and writing they would also discover a part of themselves that would define forever the type of person they are meant to be. In my classroom we would explore, together, ideas and cultures that would reinforce the positive outcomes to making decisions with integrity. My students would understand that sometimes they might not like me because of a difficult assignment or strict guideline, but in the end they would come to realize that I do all that I do for their future. I must prepare them for an unforgiving and often harsh world. I must show them that they can be the bright spot in a gray situation.

I had to keep believing all of this or else the politics of the public education system would have destroyed me after my very first year. A system exists where people who have never stepped foot in a classroom, or are very far removed from the classroom experience, are making decisions regarding what is best for the students. Instead of raising expectations and lifting the students up to meet them, all standards are lowered and students are handed answers if they choose not to think on their own. No one trusts the educator anymore or her judgment on what her students are capable of. This same system allows parents to berate and batter the educator so that they cannot sue the school system when their precious darling does not get his or her way. This same system allows students to receive top marks with minimal effort for fear that a failing grade would damage a fragile ego.

All of this I could continue to let roll off my shoulders because my students would learn that they are better than the system and should not settle for those standards. My students would grow up and become the people that make the decisions, and they would remember what they learned and do their best to better the system for future generations. Eventually enough of my students would be making so many positive changes that someone would see that teachers really do know what is best for their kids and someone might just start listening to teachers.

This week for the first time in my teaching career all of the muck that I tried to keep out of my classroom was crammed down my throat without a care in the world for what I do. Of course I am hurt and will probably not be able to let this go easily. However, I know how my heart loves to spend time on that sleeve of mine. For perspective I went to the one person who is supposed to understand me as a person and why I do what I do. He would simply listen and help me sort my ideas so that any decisions I made regarding the path I just knew God was leading me down would be as sound as possible. What he made bluntly clear was that nothing I do will ever make a difference. It will not change anything about my school or my district let alone the state or nation. And he's right. I see that now.

Do I still want my students to succeed? Absolutely. Do I still love them with all my heart? Absolutely.

The realization for me is that: no longer will I be stupid enough to hope to mend such a broken system. I will simply "go in and do my job like everyone else" as it was put to me.