2023 in Review: Dr. and Mr. Croupe

This post will cover the last of my top three moments from 2023 (again, in no particular order). If you are interested in the other two, click here to read about my trip to Gold Bar, Washington or click here to meet the two newest Croupe family members. Just like my other two posts, I'll provide a little background on how I got to this point.

Some people would make excellent professional students. They enjoy research and study and want to attend classes with others interested in the same things. My husband is one of those people. I am not. I always did fine in school. I didn't hate it or anything. I understood that to be a teacher I had to go to college, so I did all the right things and got my BA in English in 2003. However, and my undergraduate GPA can attest to this, I wasn't the best at being a student. My study skills kinda stunk. I was not great at making to every class. I had this paralyzing fear of speaking with my professors about anything. Therefore, I would need extrinsic motivators to sign up for any more schooling in the future. Turns out, the district I taught in required a Masters which motivated an MLA in 2010. Excellent. Done. Right?

Enter a brisk, Saturday morning in the fall of 2018 during a paraprofessional learning conference, I stood in the hallway between sessions chatting with my Director (Instructional Technology) when she casually drops the question: "Why don't you have your Doctorate?" The easy answer was I don't do student-ing very well, so I avoid the potential of failure like the plague. The more complicated answer (that I realize now) is that the Imposter Syndrome that taunts me daily, had me believing I was not the type of person who deserved a Dr. at the front of her name. That was for distinguished people. That was for highly intelligent people. That was for people who could contribute innovative ideas to the world.

Me in August of 2023:

Exactly 20 years after I graduated with my BA, I now have my EdD in Educational Leadership. The journey was awesome. I still wasn't the best student, but I found something I loved to focus on for my study. Even now, when I read through my study I am quite proud of what I accomplished. (A great way to shut up that Imposter Syndrome - BTW.) What it really took was someone, my Director, who saw me as the type of person who deserved that Dr. in front of her name. She believed that about me, and then I did too. (Actually, it turned out a LOT of people believed that about me. It is amazing how we can be harder on ourselves.)

I'm still not used to addressing myself as Dr. Croupe, and I've had people point out how jerky it can be to correct people who still call me Mrs. Croupe. However, neither of those will keep me from saying this: I look forward to the day the mail starts coming in addressed to Dr. and Mr. Croupe.

PS: If you've earned a Doctorate, be proud of that. I'll gladly call you Dr. I'll also correct others on your behalf if they don't. 

2023 in Review: Fur Babies

Time to continue my top three moments for my 2023. These are in no particular order. You can read about my trip to Gold Bar, Washington by clicking here.

For some context on this next post, I'm going to back up to Thanksgiving 2022. We said good-bye to our sweet dog, Stevie, who had lung cancer and was no longer able to sleep or eat. With Stevie gone, we were without a dog for the first time since 2007. I wasn't sure how long we'd be without a dog as part of the family, and then one day Benji said, "You know what I miss? Having a dog excited to see me when I get home."

Benji expressed wanting a Pug he could name Donut, and Will shared his desire for a Corgi he could name Edward. Around the end of January I started following various rescues and checked city shelters almost daily. Going to a breeder is not an option for us. Every dog I've ever owned (as a child or now) was a rescue or adoption of some sort, and even with such specific requests I planned to keep it this way.

You know how sometimes you get a feeling and you just know something is meant to be? Around February, I saw a post on DFW Pug Rescue of a lil guy named Odis:

It only took one look. It was undeniably clear to me at that moment that we had to adopt this dog. Within a week, he was ours and renamed Donut:

I continued to watch the rescues over the new few months for Corgis. This seemed a more difficult task as many of the available Corgis needed to be the only dog in the family. Then around October I saw a post for Miss Mayhem (Sugar) on Forget Me Not Rescue - Texas's page. The name "Miss Mayhem" intrigued me, so I reached out and 48 hours later...

She was initially a little mischievous, but nothing the Croupes couldn't handle. Additionally, she is two-years-old like Donut! Their dynamic was my main concern. However, I had nothing to worry about. There are times they both get the zoomies and it is pretty nuts watching them run around the living room and kitchen, but in the end they are both super sweet dogs. Oh, and instead of renaming her Edward (which I told Will I was fine with since we'd had a Freddie and Stevie who were both female dogs), the boys chose to call her Biscuit in keeping with a British feel while matching Donut. By Thanksgiving 2023, we were a complete family. 

By Christmas 2023, we are still a complete family full of all the puppy love we could hope for.

PS: Both are dogs also have Instagram accounts: my.pug.donut and my.corgi.biscuit

2023 in Review: A Breath of Fresh Mountain Air

As 2023 winds down over the next couple of weeks, I will share the top three moments (in no particular order) for me from the year.

For this first post, there are a few things to remember (or know) about me:

• I am a believer. I definitely believe there are moments God calls us to something and we cannot fight it.
• I am what my husband describes as "indoorsy." Nothing clean happens outside. I do not camp. I do not hike. When I choose a vacation location, I want a big city like New York, LA, or London.
• I am an Enneagram One which basically means I am riddled with anxiety to get things "right" or "perfect."

Earlier this year, I told Chris we needed to take a short vacation somewhere in the mountains. Somewhere in the mountains near a stream or river. Somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. Yes, the call was that specific. God put this on my heart, and I had to make it happen. God was so explicit with His request, I used a text to image generator to show Chris where I needed to go:

We decided on Gold Bar, Washington. We would fly into Seattle (a new place for me) and check it out for a bit then drive on to a cute, mini cabin on the Skykomish. (Don't worry - the mini cabin had electricity and hot water. Let's not get crazy.)

For three days I soaked in the beautiful weather. I looked at the stars at night. I drank my morning tea on a deck overlooking a river running by mountains. I even made my way down to the river and sat on the rocks to watch the sun rise one day and set on another. I breathed the fresh air and listened to the birds. We even saw an eagle fly by!

Additionally, I went on TWO hikes. God called me to this place, but it was my Guardian Angel working overtime on my stupidity. Chris and I decided to see Bridal Veil Falls. Remember how I am "indoorsy?" Well, we didn't have any kind of hiking equipment. We had no idea what this would actually entail. WE HIKED UP A MOUNTAIN IN FLIP FLOPS. No water. In jeans. Was it worth it? Of course! However, we understand how incredibly lucky we were to make it down in one piece.

That doesn't me we learned our lesson. The next day we went up to Heybrook Lookout. Still in flip flops mostly because someone said they had done it in slippers. It was supposedly easier and much shorter than the Bridal Veil Falls hike. Y'all...if I never hike another day in my life, it will be too soon.

So why did God call me here? Why on Earth would He ask ME to go someplace so outside my preferences and comfort zone? 

Because I needed to stop. I needed to breathe. I needed perspective. I needed to let go of so many anxieties. I needed to know that I CAN step away from the day-to-day and things won't fall apart.

The trip didn't "cure" me of anything. I still wake up with 1 million things on my mind. It did remind me to take a moment though. I use the Calm app for soundscapes or meditations. I sometimes drive in silence to appreciate the quiet. I have a little more confidence when I want to take a risk.

In the end, I had to let go of control and trust. Two things I don't do very well. God knows this. That's why He knew I needed a reminder.

So there it is. One of my top three moments of the year.

Taking Action During Lent

I have to admit I hoped 2021 would be kinder than 2020. This week's winter storms and power outages proved that one cannot just turn a page in a calendar and hope all the chaos of the previous year just disappears. 

Spending the week in survival mode (which I am not very good at), resulted in a delay of the usual posting of my favorite Lent video. This year I want to take more action in sharing my faith, so to catch up from the first three days of Lent I decided to post.

First, I always enjoy sharing this Busted Halo Video which explains the why behind Lent.

As a child, I thought Lent was solely about giving something up. Growing older and studying my faith in more depth showed me how we focus on three pillars: fasting, praying, and almsgiving. This added a new dimension to how I viewed my Lenten promise. Yes, I can give up chocolate or soda/caffeine, but what am I doing to improve my prayer life? To whom am I giving my money, time, and talents during this season? 

I realized it is not only about the sacrifice. As a matter of fact, Busted Halo also wrote a fantastic piece about using social media to document your Lenten journey rather than just logging off for 40 days and being done with it. Not that there is anything wrong with a sacrifice like that, but for some (like me) social media is a large part of how I connect for my job. I think that is why I liked the idea of sharing through social media rather than disappearing until Easter. 

To recap where I am at the moment:

• I did give up my afternoon Coke (especially from McDonald's) during Lent while working towards drinking more water.
• I will use my social media channels to blog, post, share when a daily scripture reading or something else that connects to my faith happens.
• I am setting aside time every morning for reflection and prayer which means I will have to get up earlier than usual.

For the most part, all of these center around working on me. I am still figuring out how I can lift up and support others during Lent. I am deciding how and where almsgiving will become a part of my plan. The cool thing is that this is a journey over the next 40 days! 

For anyone interested in the ways I am making these things happen, click on any of the resource links below.

Give us this Day App - it contains the Mass readings for every day. You can order the book each month or pay for the app.

Gus Lloyd on Facebook and/or 60 Second Reflection - if you have satellite radio, he does the daily scripture reading around 7:50 AM on channel 129. He also does the reading on his FB page for those without satellite. What I like about his 60 second reflections are that they are super quick while allowing me to think about my faith.

Every Sacred Sunday - I have used these books the past three years. They contain prayers and Sunday Mass readings along with a place for reflection and notes. I absolutely love these books. 

Blessed is She's Set a Fire Lent 2021 Devotional - I love supporting women sharing their Catholic faith. This devotional was created by women for women. (The Every Sacred Sunday book was created by women too.) Now, they only have the digital download version left. I downloaded it to my iPad and opened it in iBooks. This allows me to read it like a book while using the Mark Up tools to take notes and reflect.

Shining Light Dolls on Instagram - I just really like this account. They post adorable renditions of the saints. They do have merchandise as well.

For anyone else starting on a Lenten journey, I will keep you in my prayers as we do some "spring cleaning" of our souls through fasting, praying, and almsgiving.

So Typically Lydia: An Enneagram Series Part 2

Continuing my series on the Enneagram, I begin deep diving into being a One. Before every chapter of each type in The Road Back to You there is a list of "What It's Like to Be a..." that provides insight into the mind of the particular type. I highlighted 12 of the 20 items because I identified strongly with them. 

I'll spotlight three that hit me the hardest. There are also a few that are probably true, but I've worked hard to manage them since they would inhibit me from growing as a person.

1. I don't like it when people ignore or break the rules, like when the person in the fast lane at the grocery store has more items than allowed.

How this might look to others: goody-goody, self-righteous, judgmental

Happening in my brain: It doesn't even have to be an actual rule. If a person goes against an established expectation without facing a just consequence, I am not happy. If best practices exist for a situation and people refuse to follow them, I am not happy. We all agree on rules and expectations and best practices. That is how things keep working and chaos doesn't envelope our lives. People can get hurt when rules are broken. There are consequences when best practices aren't followed. Breaking rules can start a domino effect that impacts future events negatively. If someone else makes a mess by not following what is established, I feel like I always end up fixing their mistake. Follow the freakin' rules people! 

All of this to say, I don't believe all rules are just nor should they be followed without question. An outdated, narrow-minded, unjust rule/practice/expectation should be changed or removed. No one should follow it. In this instance, it frustrates me to no end that people will blindly follow something clearly damaging to society. Our collective goal should be making the world better for everyone meaning evaluating rules and ditching the bad ones. Speaking of making the world a better place...

2. I think it is my responsibility to leave the world better than I found it. 

How this might look to others: dedicating every waking moment to a cause sometimes at the expense of personal health and relationships, becoming quickly frustrated and angry at injustices especially related to my passion, excitement at finding others fighting for the same thing

Happening in my brain: Whoa. I stopped and took a breath after reading that on the list. For anyone unaware, I admire Jim Henson and what he accomplished in an obsessive way. The quote in the signature for my personal email comes directly from him, "When I was young, my ambitions was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for having been there." I live by this quote. What I mean is that everything I do is because I want something about this world being better because of me. I don't even need people to know it was me. It doesn't even need to be on a massive scale. I can simply be the drop that instigates a much larger ripple. I sincerely believe that the way I do this is by being in public education. Everything that drives me in my work is knowing, even if I am not around to see it happen, public education can and will be better some day. Through this, I am impacting generations of learners some of whom will change the world in grander ways. As I look back on my career, there are so many ways I've learned I could be better going forward...

3. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I could be a better person.

How this might look to others: reading A LOT about any and everything even trivial things to increase knowledge, being harshly critical of myself in all situations, second guessing everything decision I made in a situation or over thinking things I said to improve in the future

Happening in my brain: I will never be good enough. Never. There will always be a better version of me I am trying to achieve. I mean, this type is known as the Perfectionist. There is always something to learn and better ways to take care of things. In terms of my faith, I want to be a truer example of what Christ calls me to be. In terms of my family, I want to be the better wife, mother, daughter. In terms of my job, I want to be the model educator. Here's where it gets really messed up-I don't actually know what others want me to be because I cannot be inside their heads. They might actually be perfectly fine with how I am at this moment. All the pressure I put on myself to be better for each of them centers around the idea that I know I can be improved, and why would I give them anything less than the absolute best version of me? It doesn't matter how often they tell me I'm enough or that they love me the way I am. Yeah, it's exhausting. No, it never goes away. 

On the list are a few things I know are not part of my hard wiring. These include:

I try to be careful and thoughtful about how I spend money. I could barely type that without laughing. Tell this to my numerous pairs of shoes, books, cosmetics, designer bags, etc. I definitely believe that I can't take it with me so spend it now!

It seems to me that things are either right or wrong. This is especially weird since following rules are kind of a big deal to me. However, there is a lot of gray in this world. I do not believe that everything can be put in a right or wrong category. There will always be a circumstance that needs to be looked at on an individual basis for it to be fair. After all, only a Sith deals in absolutes.

I like routine and don't readily embrace change. This is certainly not true, but I can see how a One who appreciates rules and order also desires routine. However, I like change. Change is required for me to grow and become a better person.

Does any of this sound like possible Ones you know? Stay tuned. There is more to come.

So Typically Lydia: An Enneagram Series Part 1

My obsession about the Enneagram grew slowly over the past year. As one who loves personality quizzes and learning about myself, the Enneagram originally seemed like another one to just add to the list. A list that consists of:

• 16 Personalities: The Protagonist
• Myers-Briggs: ENFJ or INFJ depending on my mood and the way the questions are asked

• Strengths Finder 2007: Communication, Woo, Connectedness, Adaptability, Strategic
• Strengths Finder 2019: Input, Connectedness, Strategic, Belief, Individualization

As you can see, I changed quite a bit between 2007 and 2019. Not to mention that if you simply searched Star Wars Myers-Briggs you would get a bunch of different interpretations of which characters are what combinations. Knowing that I will change over time as a person, personality tests are mostly for fun and to see how close they get to understanding who I am. Until recently, I never really looked at them as a way to learn about myself since they identified what I already knew. 

Enter the Enneagram. If you've never heard of it, I will not judge you if you leave this post to go down the rabbit hole of information about it. If I may, I would like to offer some starting points. The person you need to look into is Ian Cron. He wrote the book that changed my life, but I need to slow down and start from the beginning.

The Enneagram is not like a conventional personality test. In addition to providing insight into who I am, it lays bare the motivations of WHY I am. Let me tell you, facing the many facets of Lydia Croupe proved tougher than I thought it'd be. 

The basic idea is that everyone falls into one of nine types. No one falls 100% into one type, so there are wings for the numbers to either side. For example, I am a Type 1. My wing possibility is either a 9 or a 2. (I happen to be a Type 1 Wing 2). Additionally, I can take on the traits of other types under situations of stress or when I'm in a healthy place. 

I know this is a gross simplification of how awesome and moving understanding your Enneagram type can be. Start here with this online test to see where you fall in the types. Please understand, you should not hold the results as gospel which I will explain in a moment; and you should know that you will need to provide an email for results which may mean removing yourself from a list later.   

The thing about the Enneagram that is different from other personality tests is you don't rely on the test to decide your type. Sometimes, two types may be very similar to each other, but the motivations differ. This is why the online assessment is a starting point. It will at least provide you with types to look at first. Once you begin reading up on the various types, you may find the online test assessed correctly. That is fine too.

The next step after taking the online test is studying up on your Enneagram type. There are plenty of resources out there. I will be using The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile for this series and highly recommend it. Now, it does come from a place of exploring your spirituality since Cron is an Episcopal priest, but there is so much more that I still highly recommend the book even if this is not your faith of choice. Once you read up on your possible types, you'll know exactly which type you are. Trust me. It becomes pretty obvious once Cron and Stabile start opening up the heart of each type. 

This blog series is partly to spread the word about Enneagram and partly to share more of myself with others. If any of you have known me for a long enough time, there might be very little I share that you don't already know. Ha ha ha. If nothing else, I hope that showing how better understanding myself helps me understand others inspires you to do the same.

I will leave you with one of the quotes about Ones that resonated with me, "...the One's commitment to living an exemplary life can quickly degenerate into a rigid perfectionism that can be tortuous both for Ones and for others."

The Stages of Team Formation-Pandemic Family Edition

You've heard of the Stages of Team Formation right? Of course you have. Even if you cannot name them all, everyone always knows about "storming" and "norming." Those are the easiest to identify which is why I think they are the first to pop into my head. As a matter of fact, those two stages are what inspired this post. Let's talk about the Stages of Team Formation during the COVID 19 lockdown at-home learning/sheltering in place.

It was Spring Break when everything in the city shut down. The downside, we couldn't visit our usual Spring Break destinations: the Zoo, Perot Museum, Art Museum, the library, etc. The upside, there was no academic expectation, so who cared if all the kids did was play on the Switch? Eventually, word came down that there would be no returning to school. Okay, so what would that look like?

Stage 1-Forming:

Those first couple of weeks were awesome! I created well thought out schedules for both boys. I knew they would take care of business while I logged in every day for work. Activities included schoolwork, Tinker Crates, Minecraft, Spheros, reading, arts & crafts, and playing outside. I even allowed the boys to decide what order they completed everything as long as it was done. Look how well things were going to work! The kids even seemed onboard. At first, they happily took care of business which kept them busy from 9 AM-ish to 2 PM-ish. BEST. PARENT. EVER.

Stage 2-Storming:

Ah. The inevitable stage where s^&* hits the fan. (Sorry for the strong language, but there is no better way to describe it.) It started with the discovery that my oldest had 20 missing assignments for school. That's right. TWENTY. What had he been doing for weeks?! Why was I the only parent keeping up with the school work in the first place? Then, I was kicked out of the office when the hubs returned to work from medical leave. No more door to close to keep from being disturbed while I worked. I was relegated to the kitchen one of the BUSIEST FREAKIN' ROOMS IN THE HOUSE. Yeah, that went well. Again, was I the only parent in the house? Why were the boys always bothering me? Oh right, because I don't have a door I could shut anymore. Not bitter...

Next came the regression of my youngest. He started sneaking back into our bed at night. He started having uncontrollable fits over small things. He couldn't always vocalize what was really bothering him. Over a year of play therapy down the drain. At least, that is how it felt.

For my oldest, we pulled out some bedroom furniture we'd saved and divided the boys' room giving them their own space. This helped my oldest tremendously, but hold on because that will fall more in "norming." As for our little guy, we just didn't fight it. I was too tired to continuously walk him back to his bed. We just let him know that he could do it. He could stay in his own bed all night. He'd done it before.

Stage 3-Norming:

I figured my 11-year-old's defiance stemmed from a few things: having no birthday party this year, needing some space, missing his school environment and friends, and resenting the fact his younger brother had significantly less school work to complete. We solved this by giving him some space and making him feel special with "new" furniture which included his own desk. I also sent postcards to his friends asking them to return with a special birthday message. Additionally, we discussed what support he would need to make sure school work didn't get overwhelming. We started making daily lists. He would check his classes and space work out according to due dates. We worked to establish a morning routine that helped him stay focused while being easy enough for him to manage while I worked.

My 7-year-old struggled more with adjusting to the way life was happening. He is a man who likes a schedule. He likes expectations. He likes knowing people and things are where they are supposed to be. For him, we needed to talk about why things were going to continue to look different which meant a new schedule and new set of expectations. Once he knew what to expect out of each day, he handled frustration better and remained in his own bed at night.

We added Tae Kwon Do practice with a friend via Zoom twice a week as well. This helps on multiple levels. There is socialization with a friend, exercising, and we won't be a complete mess when the dojo opens back up.

What about all the fun activities I so cleverly built into a daily schedule early on? Yeah, when a pandemic forces everyone into survival mode, I learned it is okay to let some things go. The boys will still assemble their Tinker Crates or play board games if I ask them to break from screens for a bit, but this isn't a normal situation. Forcing them to perform like they are still in school or expecting them to always be supplementing their learning made us all miserable. I couldn't monitor progress while working which caused me more stress.

Stage 4-Performing:

Hitting this stage inspired this post the most. I noticed that my kids were getting up without prompting. My oldest took his shower, ate breakfast, and immediately began making a daily schedule. He even started telling me which Zoom sessions he had for the day. There are still moments when I remind him to make his bed or brush his teeth. However, he started exhibiting some pride in completing tasks. I'll take it. For my youngest, the result was the same. Daily, he made himself breakfast and got right to work. 

As for me, I'm still working to get to this stage as an individual. There are times, more often than not, where I find myself not doing anything to avoid the overwhelming weight of everything. Fortunately, I work with some pretty amazing people. One of whom shared this podcast episodes with me: Fight Acedia and Create a Rule of Life. This weekend is a bit of a "reset" for me. We'll see how it goes.

Adjourning:

I cannot imaging anyone will see this stage for a while. I will be content to cruise Performing until the new school year begins especially since that will mean we might see some Storming again and have to revisit Norming.

In the meantime, framing everything using these stages helped me approach what was going on. I know leading my family is not the same as leading a team, but looking at suggestions for dealing with these various stages enabled me to problem solve when really I just wanted to disappear with a pitcher of to-go margaritas.

If anyone is interested in The Stages of Team Formation, you can click the link or the image below. They are two different pieces, but both offer quick overviews and suggestions.

2020 On the 11th Week of the New Year...

...the theme I gave my post:

Keeping the Blood Pumper Pumping

This post is a little more serious than the previous ten. I will post those links at the bottom.

February is the time of year where we all start posting about kids raising money via social media for Heart Health. When I was a kid, we called it "Jump Rope for Heart" and donations were collected via check. My how times have changed.

Every year when I sign my kids up online, we are always asked if we are raising funds to honor a Heart Hero. I often skip this portion since my grandparents, who both suffered heart attacks, have passed. However after this week, the Croupes have a new Heart Hero-my husband Christopher.

Last week, shortly after 12 AM on Tuesday, my husband woke me up because he was having severe chest pains and his jaw was tightening up. He'd already browsed "symptoms of a heart attack" for about 15 minutes before deciding to wake me. Because it was just after midnight and I was trying to process what was happening, this is how I remember the conversation going:

Me: Wait. What? You think you're having a heart attack?
Him: Or it could be pneumonia. I looked up symptoms and they are similar with the chest and stuff.
Me: Okay, so what is happening here? Am I calling 9-1-1? Am I taking you to the ER?
Him: I don't know. I mean, I'm in pretty bad pain.
Me: Again, is it the kind of pain that needs an ambulance?
Him: Don't call an ambulance! They cost too much.
Me: I can call Jake (my BIL who is a firefighter/EMT) and see if he is on duty and willing to come get you.
Him (with a slightly irritated tone): No. I will drive myself to the ER.
Me: No you won't! I'm calling my parents to see if they can come over and stay with the boys (who remained asleep during all of this).

Let's take a moment to acknowledge I've never been more grateful that my parents still have a landline than I was at that moment. About 25 minutes later, my dad was at the house and we headed to the ER. I dropped Chris off at the ER door, and I parked the car. He moseyed in with his work bag over his shoulder in case he had to wait to be seen.

By the time I parked and walked back to the ER entrance, a total of maybe 5 minutes, my husband was already being prepped for surgery. His EKG indicated he was indeed having a heart attack. The doctors found a blockage that required a stent. As the nurse walked me to his room she said, "Just to let you know, he is okay but it's a little chaotic in there." I had seconds to come to terms with what I saw: seven people with tubes and syringes and papers and liquids and monitors all working on my husband at the same time. As overwhelming as the scene was for me, I could not begin to imagine how my husband felt. What I could do is remember how strong he was the day our oldest was born when I was the one surrounded by doctors and tubes and monitors. I would be as steady and strong as he'd been for me.

If you know my husband, you know he makes sense of the world by making fun of its absurdities. Every time someone new entered the room, Chris said "dollar sign." He cracked a joke with the guy who shaved the "area." He even comically commented on the morphine drip. All of this made me love him more and work harder to keep from bursting into tears all over the ER.

At 2:45 AM, they wheeled him into the operating room. Then the LONGEST. HOUR. OF. MY. LIFE. passed while I waited to hear how it was going. Simply to keep my mind busy, I messaged people knowing they would not see anything until the next morning. I tried reading one of the books I brought. I even thought about getting in a bit of a nap. No good. Finally, at 4 AM the doctor came to speak with me. I made the trek to the ICU to see Chris. He had so much color in his face I almost didn't believe he'd been in surgery. I arrived back home at 5:30 AM.

With 90% blockage in the front of his heart, my husband now has three stents. He is alive and working towards recovery.

The rest of Tuesday was hard. I did cry. A lot. I cried from what could have been. I cried out of relief. I cried from exhaustion.

Here are takeaways from this whole experience:

• It isn't if you have a majority of the symptoms of a heart attack listed that counts. It is if you have ANY of the symptoms.
• Don't argue about an ambulance. Just call 9-1-1.
• Everyone needs to have a stress test done. A heart attack should not be the first time doctors discover blockages.
• My husband is a pretty damn good fella. The outpouring of encouragement and concern by his friends and co-works reaffirmed what I already knew.
• I have one hell of a support system: family, friends, teammates. All of them were there. They helped me be okay with letting others take care of my "to-dos." They understood when I still needed to do a little work to occupy my mind. They showed up with hugs, encouragement, food, and even funds to help get us through the week.
• Don't dwell in what might have been because it didn't happen. 
• Prayer kept me sane especially during his surgery.

I am so incredibly grateful that my Christopher is currently on the couch downstairs binge watching Stranger Things. His recovery will have its challenges. There will be frustrations. We'll get through them together.

From Chris's 50th in November.

2020 On the Tenth Day of the New Year...

...the theme I gave my post: TEN o'clock in the AM

First Day of Christmas Post: ONE Ambitious Idea
Second Day of Christmas Post: Sea TURTLE Vacation
Third Day of Christmas Post: THREE in one God
Fourth Day of Christmas Post: FOUR Instagram Accounts
Fifth Day of Christmas Post: FIVE Days at Disney World
Sixth Day of Christmas Post: SIX Players on the Ice

Seventh Day of New Year Post: SEVEN More Things About Disney
Eighth Day of New Year Post: MAIDens of a Disney Nature
Ninth day of the New Year Post: NINE Movies in the Skywalker Saga

It is no secret I am not a morning person. If you are familiar with the Night Owl vs Morning Lark chronotyping and you know me, you know I am 100% a Night Owl. I am not sure if I've always been this way (I believe so) but thought otherwise because I was forced to operate in a Morning Lark world.

For those unaware of these terms, what you need to know is this: Morning Larks like to rise early and turn in for the evening early. For example, a friend of mine is up by 4:30 AM and in bed by 8:30 PM. I, on the other hand, hit a burst of inspiration and energy around 10 PM and would prefer to crash around 2 AM sleeping till 9:30 or 10 AM.

New studies are starting to make connections with brain function and sleep patterns which make us
Night Owls look like we're in for trouble. However, the real problem is our internal clocks are not allowed to tick correctly in a world designed for Morning Larks. Seriously, if my day could look like the schedule below, it would change a lot of the work I get done and my overall well-being:

8:30/9:00 AM-wake up
9:30/10:00 AM-enjoy a cup of tea and reflect with the daily scripture readings
10:30 AM-either clean around the house or go to the gym
12:00 PM-shower and lunch
1:00 PM-read
2:00-6:00 PM-work
6:00-8:30 PM-dinner and family time
8:30 AMish-12:00/2:00 AMish-work some more
2:00 AM at the latest-go to sleep

I mean, look how productive my day would be! Unfortunately, most work schedules run 8:00-5:00. Notice how I'm pretty useless in terms of work until after lunch? The weird thing is when I am forced to operate like a Morning Lark, I have a burst of brain power somewhere between 9:00 AM and 1:00 PM. Then I am absolutely unproductive. I cannot focus and am tired for the rest of the afternoon.

I can hear those Morning Larks thinking "why not just adjust those times to fit normal operating hours?" Here's the deal: I am hard wired to be a Night Owl. I tried to change. Many times I think I will do it. It lasts maybe three days, and I am miserable. I can get in bed at 8:30 and will lie awake until 10 PM or later. I will even force myself up at 5 AM in hopes of exhausting myself to get to sleep earlier. Unless I put in a lot of physical work during the day (like presentations), it doesn't matter.

I know my ideal schedule works because during breaks and long weekends, it is the schedule I follow. My absolute favorite time being the 9:30/10:00 AM cup o' tea and reflection on daily scripture. With our new kitchen remodel, there is a little nook by the breakfast table when I become invisible if I curl my legs up on the bench. I stare out of the window with the morning sun hitting our house at just the right angle to provide enough natural light allowing me to keep the lights in the kitchen off.

Days that start like this are always better. There is no rush to be somewhere without taking time to wake up and prepare mentally for any challenges the day brings.

2020 On the Ninth Day of the New Year...

...the theme I gave my post: NINE Movies in the Skywalker Saga

First Day of Christmas Post: ONE Ambitious Idea
Second Day of Christmas Post: Sea TURTLE Vacation
Third Day of Christmas Post: THREE in one God
Fourth Day of Christmas Post: FOUR Instagram Accounts
Fifth Day of Christmas Post: FIVE Days at Disney World
Sixth Day of Christmas Post: SIX Players on the Ice

Seventh Day of New Year Post: SEVEN More Things About Disney
Eighth Day of New Year Post: MAIDens of a Disney Nature

SPOILER WARNING-I don't plan to spoil anything, and to be fair my two week curtesy window is quickly closing. However, I am putting this in just in case I do on accident.

A long time ago in a living room far, far down the road...

As a kid, only the living room television had cable. I loved finding the TV Guide in the Sunday paper to see what big movies would air that week. If Star Wars was going to be on, I was going to be watching. (Quick Note: there was a time one could just say Star Wars and it was understood she meant A New Hope. There are so many movies now it has to be specified, but for the purpose of this post just know that if I say Star Wars when referring to a movie I mean A New Hope.) I would ask my mom and dad if I could watch Star Wars since it usually occupied the TV for 2 + hours when you added commercials.

One day my mom peeked in the living room and saw me completely enthralled in the adventures of this motley crew of characters and their Space Western and said, "You know there are two more of these movies right?" NO I DID NOT! What?! What did she mean? I could spend more time in a galaxy far, far away? How do we make this happen? We headed to Blockbuster immediately. We returned home and I asked if I could watch them in the living room (the only VCR we had at the time). Two things happened that day: I realized how empty my life was before seeing Empire Strikes Back (which is far superior to either Star Wars or Return of the Jedi), and I quit the Luke camp and became a Han Solo girl for the rest of my life.

(Yes, I know this GIF is from Return and not Empire.)

Over the next few decades my relationship with Star Wars (all the films) was an interesting one. No one else I knew had really seen them or even seemed interested in them. It was almost like it wasn't cool to like Star Wars. Then the best thing happened! They were rereleased with new effects. I could not believe it! Now, EVERYONE I knew had the opportunity to see how amazing these movies were.

Whomp. Whomp. The rereleases took something from the originals that left them a little less magical. It was okay though because George Lucas was going to film prequels! Holy cow! That will show'em. Expanding the story was a great idea...

I think we all know how the prequels went (heads up-there are some bad words in this):

Fast forward a few more decades and Disney purchased the whole franchise. Wow! They did great things with the Marvel property. Surely, everything Star Wars based that comes from them will be superb.

As much as I love Star Wars, I will admit that not everything Star Wars related is golden. The fandom contains so many opinions it can make your head spin. Please understand that everything that follows are my feelings which means you are allowed to disagree. You are also allowed to think me foolish for what I think if your thoughts are different. As Kid President says, "It is okay to disagree. It is not okay to be mean," so if you don't like one of my opinions please be kind.

• I hate that it is common knowledge that Vader is Luke's father. Nothing compares to the shock and dropped jaw of discovering that nugget of truth while watching Empire Strikes Back. So intense. So awesome.
• If you are going to allow your children to watch the films, PLEASE show them in release order and not chronologically. Please. I beg you.
• My favorite piece of Yoda wisdom is actually, "Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter." and not "Do or do not. There is no try."
• I would love to own the original release versions of the original trilogy.
• Leia rules. Always has. Always will.
• The prequels should not exist. Period.
• After Empire Strikes Back, Rogue One is the best Star Wars movie. 
• The Last Jedi would be number three after the two above.
• Solo: A Star Wars Movie is meh. No one is Han except Harrison Ford, and no I didn't need the backstory of how Han and Chewie met. What I would have LOVED is a series of their smuggling adventures. Show me how the relationship between them grows based on the challenges they face. Donald Glover aside, that movie just does not do it for me.
• Love the pun that The Emperor used a "Snoke screen" to hide his true intentions.
• The Mandalorian? ABSOLUTELY ROCKS!

And finally, for those of you wondering how I feel about the final installment of the Skywalker Saga...

But seriously, it is fine. I do not think it is the most epic ending of all time. It is a very safe ending. I am disappointed that some of the more interesting directions The Last Jedi went were rerouted or fell flat in Rise of Skywalker. I like the continued exploration of the duality in the Dark and Light sides of the Force, but I think it could have been pushed further. I am content with this as the ending. The story is done. Honestly, nothing will ever compare to being back in my living room as a kid glued to the original trilogy. However, I completely understand why people who have invested so many years into the stories and characters may have shed tears when watching those two suns set for the last time.

Even though I may not run to watch every single film over and over again, it doesn't change how much I love the Skywalker Saga and the stories and worlds that exist because of it.

2020 On the Eighth Day of the New Year...

...the theme I gave my post: MAIDens of a Disney Nature

First Day of Christmas Post: ONE Ambitious Idea
Second Day of Christmas Post: Sea TURTLE Vacation
Third Day of Christmas Post: THREE in one God
Fourth Day of Christmas Post: FOUR Instagram Accounts
Fifth Day of Christmas Post: FIVE Days at Disney World
Sixth Day of Christmas Post: SIX Players on the Ice

Seventh Day of New Year Post: SEVEN More Things About Disney

As promised, it is time to discuss Disney Princesses. Actually, they are not all princesses. The characters Esmeralda, Meg, and Mulan are sometimes thrown in with the princesses. They are not, but I get it so that is fine. (Don't get me started on how people thought Anastasia was a Disney Princess. She is an entirely different animation company. C'mon folks.) As for Pocahontas and Moana; they are daughters to chiefs which I supposes makes them princesses. All of this to say this is why I chose the term "maiden" since they are all at least that.

If you know me at all, you know that all I wanted to be when I grew up was a princess. Seriously. Even the strong, tough female characters I adored like Wonder Woman and Leia are princesses. Most of all, the moment I saw Beauty and the Beast I knew the only princess I could possibly be was Belle. She is brunette-check. She has brown eyes-check. SHE LOVES TO READ-check check check.

Unfortunately, there are other requirements of becoming a princess that I just don't meet. I've come to terms with that. The closest I will ever get is meeting all the princesses at Disney World. As I mentioned in my last post, the magic is strong and I love meeting the characters even though the logical part of my brain knows they are not real.

During the trip in November, I got it in my head that I wanted to meet all the princesses at Disney. It started at Epcot when I realized that many of the princesses are there throughout the day in their corresponding country. What started as a photo op and visit with Belle became a mission. In the end, I did pretty well.

The Belle of them all!

Vanellope is a princess.

Missing are Snow White, Aurora, and Ariel from the originals. I also saw Merida and could probably have figured out where Pocahontas and Moana were if I had given myself more time. Goals for next time.

Why the crazy princess obsession? I can hear some people irritated with the damsel in distress motif or that stupid thing people who think they are all alt cool do when they claim Belle had Stockholm Syndrome. Look, the princesses teach faith, loyalty, love, acceptance, honor, courage, kindness, empathy, and that beauty can look like many things. It is also really cool to watch the evolution of the Disney Princess. Comparing Snow White to Elsa makes for great discussion. The princesses are also fascinating reflections of their era. 

I don't believe being a Disney Princess means one cannot also be an intelligent, independent woman. Honestly, I am fine breaking glass ceilings during the day and then being treated like royalty when I come home. (Don't believe me? Ask the dishes...that my husband does after dinner because I love to cook but hate to clean. Just ask him.)

NOT my husband but I sure felt like a princess next to him. He liked my shirt by the way.

Idea for our next remodeling project?

Besides, people have done some pretty interesting things with the Disney Princess concept. One of my favorites is the Princess Rap Battles by Whitney Avalon. I also like all the variants of Disney Princess like this one where they are put in careers that reflect who they are.

Sure I'm a 39-year-old woman who giggled when she met Belle, but you know what? I'm okay with that.