A Shadow What?!

This post floated around in my head for a while. I am not even quite sure where to start. Perhaps I could go all the way back to my childhood where my obsession with dragons and fantasy began. It might be a good idea to start with the fact I've always been drawn to characters with harsh outer layers that are actually quite loving and sweet on the inside: Beast, Grumpy, Mr. Darcy, Raphael (the ninja turtle of course), etc. Actually, I could take an academic approach and share that I've learned something new. I do enjoy learning something new. Or maybe I should start with the fact my sister gave me Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros as a gift. 

Hmmm...tell you what, let's just start with an image of Xaden Riorson as a Basgiath professor:

Check out @tacotales25 on Insta.
Got your attention? Yeah, this image got my attention too - whew, it's a little warm in here...

It happened. I fell down the Fourth Wing Rabbit Hole. Of course, I loved the first book and quickly purchased and devoured the other two. Now I am amongst the many adoring fans stressing about the fates of these characters awaiting the next book TO. BE. WRITTEN. Sigh.

I actually LOVE Violet as a FMC. In most of these types of stories, the FMC can spend pages and pages and pages on her worth and if she is really the right person for the job. However, there is a great moment in the first book where Violet tells her bestie that she is good enough, and if he cannot get with the program he can get out of her life! Yasss Queen! Additionally in the third book, she clearly states that she will not give her time or her energy to someone who doesn't love her the way she deserves to be loved. I am here for it.

But of course, this post is not about Violet. It is, in fact, about Xaden Riorson because I have fallen for what is apparently labeled a "Shadow Daddy." As a 44-year-old woman, this term definitely stopped me in my tracks. A what?! Apparently, this is an entire character trope that I had to speak with my pal, Gemini, about.

Here is what I learned: 

"The 'shadow daddy' is a popular character trope in fantasy romance, often found in the 'romantasy' genre. It describes a male love interest with a very specific set of characteristics that readers find alluring.

Concept of a Shadow Daddy

A shadow daddy is typically:

• Dark and Brooding: They have a mysterious, often intimidating aura. They are usually portrayed with dark hair, scars, and/or tattoos, and a generally serious demeanor.
• Possesses Shadow/Dark Powers: A key element of the trope is their ability to control or manipulate shadows, darkness, or other forms of dark magic. This can range from literal shadow-wielding to having a 'dark Gift' or association with night and darkness.
• Morally Gray: They operate in a gray area between hero and villain. They might have a dark past, have committed questionable acts, or hold positions of power that require ruthless decisions. However, they are often revealed to have a hidden, softer side, especially towards their love interest.
• Immense Power and Influence: Whether magical, political, or physical, they are incredibly powerful and competent. They are often leaders, warriors, or ancient beings.
• Protective and Loyal: Despite their dark exterior, they are fiercely protective and intensely loyal to the female protagonist. They would 'burn the world down' for the person they love.
• Significantly Older (Often Immortal): Many shadow daddies are centuries or even millennia old, giving them a sense of ancient wisdom and power.
• 'Daddy' Aspects: The 'daddy' part of the term often refers to their dominant, protective, and sometimes nurturing (in a dark way) nature. They take charge and often relieve the female protagonist of mental or emotional burdens.

Origin

While the term 'shadow daddy' is relatively new, popularized by BookTok and the rise of romantasy, the archetype itself has been present in fantasy and romance for a long time. It can be seen as an evolution of existing tropes like the 'bad boy,' 'dark prince,' 'brooding assassin,' or even certain interpretations of vampires and dark lords."

After reading this, the English teacher in me felt this sounded very much like a Byronic Hero another type of character I seemed drawn to. I asked Gemini what it thought about my connection. Turns out, I was right:

"The Shadow Daddy is arguably a direct descendant of the Byronic Hero. Both share the brooding nature, mysterious past, charisma, intelligence, and morally gray qualities. The key difference is the 'supernatural flair' and explicit shadow/dark magic of the Shadow Daddy, and the intensified protective and possessive romantic focus. The Byronic Hero's darkness is more psychological and tied to their past transgressions, while the Shadow Daddy's darkness is often a literal power or magical affiliation."

Look at me making this academic after all. If you are interested in my entire chat, feel free to check it out here for the definition with examples and here for the comparison to other types of literary heroes.

Okay, so what? What is the appeal of this type of character? Don't worry. Gemini shared that with me too:

"Readers are drawn to shadow daddies for several reasons:

• Complexity and Morally Gray Appeal: These characters challenge traditional notions of good and evil, making them fascinating to explore. Their internal struggles and dual nature (dark exterior, soft interior) create a compelling dynamic.
• Intense Devotion and Protection: The idea of a powerful, dangerous character who would do anything for the protagonist is incredibly appealing. This fierce loyalty and protectiveness evoke a sense of security and validation.
• Power and Authority: Shadow daddies are often in positions of immense power, which adds to their allure. They are competent, strategic, and capable of handling any threat, creating a strong sense of escapism for readers.
• Forbidden Allure: Their dark, mysterious nature and often villainous reputation make them intriguing and sometimes forbidden love interests, adding a thrilling edge to the romance.
• 'Fixer-Upper' or Redemption Arc: Readers often enjoy the idea of being the one person who can bring out the hidden tenderness or good in a seemingly dark character, leading to satisfying redemption arcs.
• Escapism: These characters offer a fantasy of an impossibly strong, devoted, and powerful partner who can solve problems and protect the heroine, which is often far removed from real-life experiences."

Yep. I basically checked every box on this list especially the Morally Gray Appeal and Redemption Arc. The Escapism is legit as well.  So here I am now looking for other stories and series with Shadow Daddies. I found some favorites in Cyrus, the King of Tulan from the Woven Kingdom series, Trystan the "Villain" from the Assistant to the Villain series, and the Darkling from Shadow and Bone, but only this version of him:

However, I will say that a Shadow Daddy only makes sense fictionally. I cannot begin to try and understand what it would be like caring for a man like this. I mean, geez the amount of energy to get through the brooding alone...

Re-Discovering the Joy of Reading

I love books! Always have. To this day, I think this is the most romantic thing anyone has done for a woman they loved:

My old lady plan is to find a cottage in Ireland within walking distance of a sweet, little town and fill the cottage with books. There I will spend my last days with my tea, a comfy chair, and all the books. Just reading.

However, somewhere in my late 30s until a couple of years ago (my very early 40s), reading stopped being a common past time. I'm still not entirely sure what happened. I have some hypotheses, but nothing worth noting. I do know that when I started my doctoral work, reading became a chore because of all the research and textbooks I constantly consumed. I rarely had the energy or desire to read anything for fun.

Then in 2020, I started a bookstagram mostly to hold myself accountable for reading. I wasn't trying to influence anything or win any reading competitions. I wanted to show myself the reading I'd done over the year on an app I frequented. It helped. I liked posting images of books I read framed in fun backgrounds. Scrolling through them made me happy, so I continued. 

Now some of you may be thinking, "I have Goodreads for that." Yeah, so did I. When I logged in last month (after resetting my forgotten password), I saw that the last time I'd been in Goodreads was 2014...a decade ago. For whatever reason, that platform was not what my brain needed. However, I am ready to start really recording my reading habits again. I thought about returning to Goodreads, and then a friend shared The StoryGraph app with me. I liked the idea of going with a more independent platform as opposed to one owned by Amazon (I already send way too much money that way).

I exported my Goodreads history (didn't want to lose what I did complete in there), and imported it to my StoryGraph account. Then I went through my bookstagram and added each of those. One small problem, I have no record of what I read between 2014 and 2020. I assure you I did read. I guess I'll just never be certain of what.

For now, I plan to continue with my Bibliolydia Bookstagram and begin to really develop my StoryGraph account. Apparently, there is a way to connect with others on StoryGraph. I would love to connect with others! If you have a bookstagram or StoryGraph account, let's connect:

StoryGraph - Wordnerd80

Bibliolydia Bookstagram

I wish I could do this with all my books to take wherever I go.

Here's to 2025!

Each January I look for ways to set intentions for the year. I wouldn't say I have resolutions, but I do like the idea of using the year for good.

Last year, I utilized Gretchen Rubin's 24 in 24 method and came up with this:

Looking back, it was too much and too big. I've come to the conclusion that my brain doesn't match whatever lifestyle people who create such challenges have. Not good or bad just different. It becomes more of burden to me if I don't complete something or if I start strongly and don't finish. (If this kind of stuff does interest you, please check out Gretchen Rubin's Design Your Year 2025.)

After reflecting on all of this, I decided to keep the idea of a word for the year. I've done it the past few years, and it is handy for me to have something to come back to when things start going whompy. I think this will help me stay present in the moment rather than exhaust myself trying to complete all the things by December 31, 2025.

Choosing a word is always a challenge for me. I mean, this is one word that is meant to represent how I want to see the year. I love words, and people who know me can confidently say I lean more Dickens than Hemingway. I tried something new this year - AI assistance. If you also struggle finding your word, I offer my own method for this year. 

Using AI to Spark an Idea

Whenever I turn to LLMs, I use both Gemini and ChatGPT because they will produce different results. Sometimes I combine the results to review and modify, and sometimes one LLM generates better ideas than the other. ChatGPT won out for this one. 

The prompt I used: Generate a list of words of the year possibilities for 2025 based on the work of Kendra Adachi, Brene Brown, Adam Grant, Simon Sinek, and Gretchen Rubin.

Initial Results:

Inspired by Kendra Adachi (The Lazy Genius):

• Simplify
• Essence
• Flow
• Intentional
• Rhythm

Inspired by Brené Brown (Vulnerability and Courage):

• Brave
• Authentic
• Connection
• Wholehearted
• Resilient

Inspired by Adam Grant (Workplace Psychology and Creativity):

• Reimagine
• Curious
• Generous
• Adapt
• Spark

Inspired by Simon Sinek (Leadership and Purpose):

• Purpose
• Inspire
• Vision
• Belonging
• Why

Inspired by Gretchen Rubin (Happiness and Habits):

• Joy
• Light
• Steady
• Balance
• Thrive

Not bad, but I felt these were still more generic than what I was looking for. I added to the prompt: Regenerate these focusing on a perimenopausal woman who works in public education.

Second set of results:

Inspired by Kendra Adachi (Practicality and Intentionality):

• Pace – Honoring your natural rhythm in both work and life.
• Ease – Embracing simplicity and letting go of unnecessary burdens.
• Align – Focusing on what truly matters in your personal and professional life.
• Restore – Recharging your energy and prioritizing recovery.
• Flexible – Adapting to changes with grace and self-compassion.

Inspired by Brené Brown (Courage and Vulnerability):

• Steady – Finding strength and calm amidst the storms of life.
• Seen – Acknowledging your worth and making your needs visible.
• Courage – Stepping into hard conversations and decisions with confidence.
• Tender – Balancing vulnerability with self-protection.
• Open – Remaining receptive to new ideas, people, and solutions.

Inspired by Adam Grant (Innovation and Growth):

• Curiosity – Staying inquisitive and open to learning new ways of doing things.
• Reframe – Changing perspectives on challenges and opportunities.
• Pause – Taking time to reflect before acting.
• Contribute – Focusing on meaningful impact in your work.
• Spark – Igniting passion and creativity in yourself and others.

Inspired by Simon Sinek (Purpose and Leadership):

• Lead – Guiding with empathy and integrity.
• Purpose – Connecting daily actions to your larger mission.
• Support – Offering and seeking help within your community.
• Value – Recognizing your worth and contributions.
• Forward – Moving ahead with optimism and determination.

Inspired by Gretchen Rubin (Happiness and Habits):

• Nurture – Caring for yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
• Balance – Harmonizing work, health, and relationships.
• Brighten – Bringing light to your spaces and interactions.
• Habit – Building routines that sustain and uplift.
• Present – Staying mindful and grounded in the moment.

I loved that each word was accompanied by an explanation. However, I still struggled to narrow it down because I liked a lot of these words. So back to the prompt one more time: Please find five words that would have something in common with all of these suggestions.

Final set of responses:

• Grounded – Reflects stability, balance, and being present in the moment.
• Empower – Combines courage, leadership, and self-worth, encouraging personal and professional growth.
• Flow – Represents ease, adaptability, and living in harmony with life’s rhythms.
• Renew – Captures restoration, nurturing, and the continual process of growth and healing.
• Impact – Embodies purpose, contribution, and creating meaningful change.

BINGO! Now we're talking! After looking at the final set of five, I was able to choose and create an image to reference throughout the year.

My word of the year:

So here's to 2025! May I remain GROUNDED despite challenges never forgetting to be in the moment rather than needlessly worry about the future.